April 28, 2019
Parenting Adult Children

I remember reading and learning about some of the challenges of the toddler years, and the teenage years, and so was somewhat prepared for those…but I was taken by surprise with the encounters that come with adult children.  I didn’t see the changes coming! The consequences of decisions made or not made by adult children are so much greater than the consequences of the toddler who won’t share a toy, or the teenager who misses curfew.

I am very blessed in that both of my children love God, His Church, and Philip and me. However, I did have to learn a few things along the way.

1.     Ask for help
There are people who have navigated this season, so get some wisdom- either in person or by reading a book. (Doing Life with your Adult Children by Jim Burns is a great one!)

2.     Stop hovering
My generation was referred to as ‘helicopter’ parents. Most of us supervised every decision and activity of our children. This is the time to stop. Our job now is to simply be available. Don’t offer unsolicited advice. (I admit this is hard for me!) Let them experience the consequences of their own decisions.

3.     Have fun together
This is the best part of adult children!  Do fun things together. Sporting events, dinners, even vacations.  My daughter has become one of my best friends, and I love the fun we have together!

4.     Set boundaries
Everyone needs help, but there is a line between enabling and helping. I think I have crossed it a few times, which is why it is good to get help!

5.     Apologize and offer grace
As with any relationship, mistakes will be made. Be the first to apologize when you might resort to ‘helicoptering’ or trying to control.

6.     When they marry and become parents, don’t make them choose between you and their new family.
Enjoy the time you have and make the decision to be uncomplicated. Assist them as they parent, but again, no unsolicited advice!

 

 

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.

December 13, 2017
Home for the Holidays?!

Home for the Holidays?!

Some of you love the thought of Christmas approaching. Like me, maybe you delight in the anticipation, the shopping, the meals, the lights, the snow (well, not here in LA!) and hanging out with friends and family. And others of you dread the whole season, wishing the calendar would quickly turn from the day before Thanksgiving to January 2. Most of our feelings of about Christmas come from our memories of childhood Christmases.
Here’s the thing.
You are not a child anymore. If you have great memories of Christmas, it is because someone made your Christmas great. And now you are the grown up. It is your turn to make Christmas great for someone else.
If you have painful holiday memories, then it is now your chance to create new ones.
Be careful about getting sentimental.
Be careful about wasting time wishing your memories were different.
Going to visit your family during for Christmas can be a good thing . . . and it can be a painful time.
If going to see your family only brings you pain . . . why go? If you keep hoping that your dad won’t get drunk this time, or your mom won’t constantly berate you, then maybe you should stay away. Or at least keep your visit brief.
As a grown up, you get to make your own family traditions.
If you are married, you have a new family . . . and you get to create your own holiday memories.

Six Holiday Traditions to Consider

  1.   Attend a candlelight service. ( My favorite thing!)
  2.   Have a special Christmas breakfast. (Ours involves Cinnabons!)
  3.   Read the story of Jesus’ birth before you open gifts. (After all, it is the reason we celebrate!)
  4.   Invite friends to Christmas dinner. (Life is always better with friends!)
  5.   Go see a movie Christmas night. (C’mon…the new Star Wars is out!!)
  6.   Purchase Christmas gifts for a family who is struggling. Surprise them! (We love doing this!)

Just some simple way to create your own traditions. Let’s make this the most wonderful time of the year!

 

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.

 

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