March 13, 2019
Who Am I?

Do you ever ask yourself that question? WHO AM I?

In 2015, I got a rude awakening. I was on staff at a church for 6 years as the Worship Pastor and a new leader came in with a new vision. Unfortunately, he didn’t see me fitting into that vision so I was abruptly let go from my position. My church leadership wanted to keep me around but transition me to a new role, so I became an Adult Ministries Pastor where I helped organize small groups, women’s ministry, and was one of the campus pastors for an alternate venue. I was grateful for the opportunity to expand my experience in ministry, but I was also struggling very deeply with my calling. Was this what God wanted me to do, even though I still felt called to lead worship?

I entered a long desert season where God did some much-needed work on my heart. God was teaching me a big lesson and I didn’t realize it right away. I didn’t fully understand the enormity of my identity problem. For years, I had been finding my identity in being a worship leader when I should have been finding my identity as a child of God. When I was finally stripped of that title, I had to relearn who I was in the eyes of God. And trust me ladies, that is not a easy process.

Have you been there? What are you finding your identity in? Is it your job? Your title? Maybe your children or husband? Money or acceptance? The list goes on. There are so many things in this world that try to take our attention away from the beauty of Jesus. It is a constant daily struggle to keep our eyes focused.

But on the other side… there is freedom.

In 2017, God called me back to worship leading at another church, and being on the other side of my identity problem brought a freedom in leading that I have never felt before. It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about trying to prove something. Rather, it was about bringing my best and letting God do the rest (too cliche? haha). It was about aligning myself so closely with Jesus that as people looked at me on stage, all they saw was Him. It was about developing others and helping point them to their God given identity.

Today, I can honestly say that if God stripped worship leading away from me again, it would not matter. My identity is not found in being a worship leader anymore. My identity is found in Christ and whatever I can do to expand the kingdom, I will gladly take it on.

Let’s be a group of women who follow Jesus no matter the cost and strive daily to find our identity as a child of God.

Matthew 6: 6-13 (The Message)
“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace… This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what’s best—
   as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You’re in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You’re ablaze in beauty!
   Yes. Yes. Yes.”

 ABOUT ASHLEY BECKFORD

Ashley Beckford is the Associate Pastor at Unite Church in Pasadena, CA, where she leads worship and oversees all creative. She recently founded Unite Collective, a community of musically-gifted artists, worship leaders, musicians and creatives from Unite and its extended family, that strive to create resources for the church. A gifted leader and songwriter, she loves to develop people, especially other women in worship. Ashley is on the She Leads team as the ministry lead to worship and creative leaders. She loves spending time with her family and traveling!

February 18, 2019
The Way I See It

#Bettertogether This is so much more than just a cute hashtag for social media. I really do believe the statement is true! Unfortunately, developing real, authentic relationships that extend beyond surface tends to be where we women struggle the most. I think the problem has very little to do with others and everything to do with us.

Last week my family was driving to church and my husband looked over and said “what in the world, Meghan…how can you even see? Give me your glasses.” I handed them over and remarked…wow it’s much clearer without my glasses! Insert your own laughter here. He said that’s because they are covered in makeup smudges and dirt! OH….that makes so much sense! HA! He proceeded to clean them for me and when I put them back on, I could see so much better! I’m so grateful for a husband who is looking out for me. I need all the help I can get! 

In life and in friendships, often the lenses in which we are viewing others is tainted with our own insecurities and insecure people tend to show off, show down or shrink back. This impaired vision keeps us from developing true, authentic friendships. Friendships where you can vulnerably share your weaknesses and confidently celebrate your strengths! There are 4 types of dirty lenses that I want to challenge you to deal with so you can see clearly and begin to build healthy, amazing friendships! Remember the spots and imperfections that drive you crazy about someone else might not be on their face, it might be on yours! Ouch! So let’s start by cleaning our proverbial glasses, are you ready? 

Judgement, Jealousy, Competition and Comparison

These fierce 4 will rob you of friendships every time. 

Judgement

How many of you are quick to make assumptions and arrive at conclusions? I am raising my hand. So often we operate out of pain from past hurts or experiences and we place people in categories in an attempt to avoid being hurt again or as a means of feeling better about ourselves. 

The Bible actually tells us: Why are you so worried about the speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own. We’ve got to stop ourselves from creating a story about someone else’s motives or character without an actual conversation with them first! You might be surprised what a simple open-minded conversation will reveal. No one likes to be judged and the Bible says “in the same measure you judge others, you will be judged!” I most certainly don’t want that. I need grace with a shovel not just a spoon so I am realizing I need to extend all this grace to others and silence my own assumptions. 

Jealousy

Jealousy is simply wanting something that someone else has. Maybe it’s material…the house, the car, wishing you could travel like they do. Maybe she’s getting married or having a baby and you find yourself still single or unable to conceive and it’s painful. Maybe you see your girl experiencing success in the arenas that you have a desire to be successful and influential and your initial response is, it’s just not fair! Again this reveals our own insecurity and lack of contentment in the space and place God has us in. Confident women who are secure in their own identity and season are able to celebrate others without feeling less themselves. Jealousy will always limit your ability to build authentic friendships…it’s a barricade to any relationship and it can often be the thing that fosters competition.

Competition

Competition says I need to be better than you or prove that I am as good as you! You know some of my very best friends in the world are some girls who are far more “successful” in areas that I am passionate about! Those friendships have developed because I have made a very conscious decision to suffocate jealousy and comparison and to be a champion and cheerleader for my friends!!! This has required a decision. It didn’t start as a feeling. If I had allowed my feelings to lead, I would have become competitive and robbed myself of some amazing friendships. You may feel one way, but you need to make a decision to act another.  We are not competing with one another. We are all on a great big mission that God put us on this earth to accomplish and we need to learn to embrace who God called us to be and cheer others on in the race God has given them to run in! 

The last thing that dirties our lenses is Comparison! This is a big one for us girls! 

Comparison is the root of all inferiority. If you compare yourself to someone else, you will always feel inferior. This inferiority complex will limit your ability to connect authentically and you will find yourself isolating. To avoid the comparison trap, you’ve got to watch what you are feeding yourself. If you are gorging on the endless buffet of social media and comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your lowlight reel, you are going to always feel inferior. Maybe take a break for 30 days and practice celebrating the people around you! Celebrating others and practicing an attitude of gratitude about your life will shift the narrative every time!

We need one another. We really are better together. Godly friendships will add value to your life. They will encourage you, challenge you and remind you who God has called you to be!  

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 NLT 

We need the sharpening of sweet friendships in our lives but in order to develop those authentic relationships, we will need to clear our proverbial lenses of Judgment, Jealousy, Competitiveness and Comparison. When you clean the lenses…you clearly see the beauty in everyone and this is the friend I imagine you desire to have and the one you want to be! 

ABOUT MEGHAN ROBINSON

Meghan and her husband Carey pastor The Movement Church in Orange County California! Meghan is a wife, mom to two beautiful girls, church planter, pastor, speaker, friend, and big dreamer! Her greatest passion is helping women identify the God dream inside of them and awaken to their greater purpose! She also loves seeing women in ministry connected, equipped and inspired and is a part of our She Leads team!

February 14, 2018
10 Ways to Love Your Husband
  1. Be kind.
    Most of the time, we are kinder and more polite to strangers and acquaintances than we are to our spouses. It should not be that way, but often it is. Little acts of kindness can go a long way towards creating intimacy.
  1. Demonstrate respect.
    You are not his mother, so don’t talk down to him or nag him. Interrupting him communicates disrespect (at at least, that is what Philip tells me!). So, let him finish his sentences . . . no matter how good you think your ending will would be!
  1. Get some sexy lingerie.
    Enough said, really.
  1. Occasionally be the sexual aggressor.
    He likes/needs to feel that you want him. Don’t just be the passive one. Mix it up!
  1. Go with him to a game/sporting event.
    He really does want your company. It is not about whether or not you like sports —just doing something with him shows your love. (But you are a smart woman, so surely you can learn a thing or two about the sport while you’re at it!)
  1. Kiss him.
    I’m not talking about the quick “don’t mess up my lipstick” kiss, but the “stop and grab his face” kiss. Even if you don’t have time for it to lead anywhere 🙂  . . . kissing is such a great connector!
  2. Listen without interrupting.
    Yes, I know this one is hard . . .
  3. Encourage him.
    Say something encouraging to him. He probably hears negativity all day long from others. What can you say that would be encouraging? What has he done well? Be his biggest cheerleader!!
  4. Say nice things about him in front of others.
    This is huge . . . and communicates love in a whole other way.
  5. Show support for his dreams.
    Come alongside him and support him. Life has a way of deflating our dreams. Let him know that you are with him and believe in him.

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.

 

 

February 1, 2017
When My Experience fails to meet my Expectation!

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My husband fake proposed to me 4 times before the real deal! I am not kidding. He got down on one knee at least 4 times and sent my heart racing in full expectation of a marriage proposal only to be devastated and ticked off by his goofy smile and teasing questions like, “Babe, I love you….will you… (pause for dramatic affect) Go to dinner with me?”

Say what?!!!!!! After several punches, tears and dramatic words….I would slowly pull myself together again. By the time he actually proposed officially, he caught me by such surprise, I didn’t even know what to say. I think my response was…. “Is this for real?” Had I been a quick thinker, I would have made him work harder for that yes. However, I was so excited that my dream was finally being fulfilled that I forgot about all of those disappointing moments because this was the moment I had been waiting for!

You see, I had a plan.

We had been dating since high school. We were headed in the same direction, both feeling a call towards ministry. We loved God and loved each other. We knew that we wanted to pursue our purpose together for the rest of our lives. So naturally, I made a plan! (Ha!) I would finish college in 4 years….we would marry after graduation and start this great adventure!

Of course, I informed Carey of my plans. There was a time line to follow. A wedding in May meant I needed a proposal in August and how perfect….we would be in Destin, Florida on the very same beach where he first told me he wanted to spend his life with me. I was creating the perfect scenario for him. The perfect scenario for him to throw my perfect plan out the window for an even better story!

Have you ever found yourself in a place where your experience did not meet your expectations?

I think this might be the theme of my life! I’m an idealist….I dream big dreams and I like to think I make pretty great plans! I’ve learned that God grins at my well made plans and my false attempt to control the outcome of the dreams He gave me in the first place. I picture him getting down on one knee, grinning and saying “Psych!”

Some of you think my husband was very cruel and how could I possibly compare God to that scenario? But the truth is….I only felt like he was cruel. He was, in his own silly way, saying “Come on babe. Trust me. Let me lead us on this great adventure. Quit trying to control the timing and enjoy the journey!”

I think that is a pretty great picture of God’s love for us.

Proverbs 16:9 say’s “The heart of man plans his way,

but the Lord establishes his steps.”

The problem we face is when we make the plans and set our hopes in our plan rather than in our God. This is where we run the danger of our experience not matching our expectations.

When experience does not meet expectations we become:

  1. Devastated– It is a gut punch when all that you are hoping and praying for fails to turn out the way you thought it should.
  • Maybe the position of leadership you were dreaming of turns out to be a position of serving in the area of your greatest weakness and you wonder if you have been over looked.
  • Maybe your prayers of faith for your loved one battling cancer were answered with a funeral, rather than a miracle.
  • Maybe your dreams and prayers for a husband have been met with many lonely nights.
  • Maybe the church God called you to plant is taking longer than you thought to match the vision and accomplish the dreams that you have prayed for and believed in.
  1. Angry– When things don’t go as planned, it is frustrating and we look for someone or something to blame.
  • Maybe you have found yourself carrying a weight of failure, blaming yourself for the lack of accomplishment.
  • Maybe you blame the leadership in your life for not seeing the “greatness” inside of you and pride is trying to raise it’s ugly head!
  • Maybe you blame the people God has entrusted you to lead…. if they would just “get it” we could accomplish so much more.
  • Maybe you find yourself blaming God and wondering why you allowed yourself to dream or pray in the first place.
  1. Disillusioned– This is a scary place to be. This is where doubt set’s in, vision becomes clouded and your perception of people and or situations can become jaded or cynical.
  • Maybe you find yourself doubting the dream and the vision that God gave you for your life. You are tempted to hit the brakes and re-route your journey.
  • Maybe you find yourself constantly critical of the people in your world who are experiencing the things that you have hoped and dreamed for.
  • Maybe comparison and jealousy are clouding your relationships. You can’t be happy for others because you are so consumed with yourself.

I have found myself in many if not all of these situations. I have felt unappreciated and overlooked. I have prayed for miracles and experienced death. I have taken huge steps of faith, fueled by big vision and learned that God is more concerned about the “baby steps” of my journey than He is with my destination! I have been devastated, angry and disillusioned.

So what should you do if you find yourself where I have found myself time after time? The place where experience does not meet expectation.

  1. Practice an attitude of gratitude– When we pause to think about all of the great things God has done in our life, it changes our perspective.
  • Celebrate the little wins along the journey. The time you were able to spend with a loved one. The deeper understanding of the word because you clung to it for dear life. The divine provision because you were in the right place at the right time. The one who said yes to Jesus because you said yes to starting the church or leading the connect group.
  • Recognize that the problem may actually be the provision. The struggle will become your story. God will give purpose to your pain.
  • Remember, God is never late but he is never early. He is always right on time!
  1. Surrender the illusion of control– Faith is all about the journey, not the destination. Our expectation does not meet our experience when our hope is in our plan, or our dreams rather than in OUR GOD!
  • Make the plan, work the plan but release the plan. God will ultimately direct your destiny and his plan is more challenging, takes a little bit longer but is always much more extravagant!
  • Remember, God is all about the journey. What he is doing in you is equally important as what he will do through you! Be patient with the process.
  1. Keep dreaming, keep praying, keep believing — Place your expectation in Who God is not just what he will do. Don’t quit before you see the story unfold. He is working on your behalf even now!

“He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20

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