The Way I See It
#Bettertogether This is so much more than just a cute hashtag for social media. I really do believe the statement is true! Unfortunately, developing real, authentic relationships that extend beyond surface tends to be where we women struggle the most. I think the problem has very little to do with others and everything to do with us.
Last week my family was driving to church and my husband looked over and said “what in the world, Meghan…how can you even see? Give me your glasses.” I handed them over and remarked…wow it’s much clearer without my glasses! Insert your own laughter here. He said that’s because they are covered in makeup smudges and dirt! OH….that makes so much sense! HA! He proceeded to clean them for me and when I put them back on, I could see so much better! I’m so grateful for a husband who is looking out for me. I need all the help I can get!
In life and in friendships, often the lenses in which we are viewing others is tainted with our own insecurities and insecure people tend to show off, show down or shrink back. This impaired vision keeps us from developing true, authentic friendships. Friendships where you can vulnerably share your weaknesses and confidently celebrate your strengths! There are 4 types of dirty lenses that I want to challenge you to deal with so you can see clearly and begin to build healthy, amazing friendships! Remember the spots and imperfections that drive you crazy about someone else might not be on their face, it might be on yours! Ouch! So let’s start by cleaning our proverbial glasses, are you ready?
Judgement, Jealousy, Competition and Comparison
These fierce 4 will rob you of friendships every time.
Judgement
How many of you are quick to make assumptions and arrive at conclusions? I am raising my hand. So often we operate out of pain from past hurts or experiences and we place people in categories in an attempt to avoid being hurt again or as a means of feeling better about ourselves.
The Bible actually tells us: Why are you so worried about the speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own. We’ve got to stop ourselves from creating a story about someone else’s motives or character without an actual conversation with them first! You might be surprised what a simple open-minded conversation will reveal. No one likes to be judged and the Bible says “in the same measure you judge others, you will be judged!” I most certainly don’t want that. I need grace with a shovel not just a spoon so I am realizing I need to extend all this grace to others and silence my own assumptions.
Jealousy
Jealousy is simply wanting something that someone else has. Maybe it’s material…the house, the car, wishing you could travel like they do. Maybe she’s getting married or having a baby and you find yourself still single or unable to conceive and it’s painful. Maybe you see your girl experiencing success in the arenas that you have a desire to be successful and influential and your initial response is, it’s just not fair! Again this reveals our own insecurity and lack of contentment in the space and place God has us in. Confident women who are secure in their own identity and season are able to celebrate others without feeling less themselves. Jealousy will always limit your ability to build authentic friendships…it’s a barricade to any relationship and it can often be the thing that fosters competition.
Competition
Competition says I need to be better than you or prove that I am as good as you! You know some of my very best friends in the world are some girls who are far more “successful” in areas that I am passionate about! Those friendships have developed because I have made a very conscious decision to suffocate jealousy and comparison and to be a champion and cheerleader for my friends!!! This has required a decision. It didn’t start as a feeling. If I had allowed my feelings to lead, I would have become competitive and robbed myself of some amazing friendships. You may feel one way, but you need to make a decision to act another. We are not competing with one another. We are all on a great big mission that God put us on this earth to accomplish and we need to learn to embrace who God called us to be and cheer others on in the race God has given them to run in!
The last thing that dirties our lenses is Comparison! This is a big one for us girls!
Comparison is the root of all inferiority. If you compare yourself to someone else, you will always feel inferior. This inferiority complex will limit your ability to connect authentically and you will find yourself isolating. To avoid the comparison trap, you’ve got to watch what you are feeding yourself. If you are gorging on the endless buffet of social media and comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your lowlight reel, you are going to always feel inferior. Maybe take a break for 30 days and practice celebrating the people around you! Celebrating others and practicing an attitude of gratitude about your life will shift the narrative every time!
We need one another. We really are better together. Godly friendships will add value to your life. They will encourage you, challenge you and remind you who God has called you to be!
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 NLT
We need the sharpening of sweet friendships in our lives but in order to develop those authentic relationships, we will need to clear our proverbial lenses of Judgment, Jealousy, Competitiveness and Comparison. When you clean the lenses…you clearly see the beauty in everyone and this is the friend I imagine you desire to have and the one you want to be!
ABOUT MEGHAN ROBINSON
Meghan and her husband Carey pastor The Movement Church in Orange County California! Meghan is a wife, mom to two beautiful girls, church planter, pastor, speaker, friend, and big dreamer! Her greatest passion is helping women identify the God dream inside of them and awaken to their greater purpose! She also loves seeing women in ministry connected, equipped and inspired and is a part of our She Leads team!
Follow MeghanHow Do You Handle Conflict?
ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER
Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.
Help! 2018 is Broken!
Guys, it’s almost Christmas. What. The Heck. If you need me over the next few weeks, I’ll be somewhere watching Elf… And probably answering my phone, “Elyse the Elf here, what’s your favorite color?” You think I’m joking.
Seriously though, it is almost 2019. TWENTY. NINE. TEEN.
Isn’t it crazy how much life can change in one year? The moments that we wish we could revisit. The memories that we wish we could erase. The things we wish we could have said. The things we wish we never said. The fights we had. The friends we made. The people we said goodbye to. The hopes deferred. The dreams fulfilled. And the perspective we gained in the process.
And it all started with a countdown full of hope, dreams and sparkling drinks.
Maybe 2018 has been the best year of your life. If so, more power to you girlfriend. Perhaps you found your person, held their hand and felt all the feels. Or you finally decided that nobody lets your dream sit in the corner, and you did something about it. Or you went on the type of trip that Instagram was created for, and everyone double tapped the heck out of your photos.
Maybe you were the Beyoncé of this year. And if so, can you tell me how you did it? (And then can you teach me the Single Ladies dance??)
But seriously, if this has been a great year, please… Reflect. And keep reflecting. Find the person who encouraged the pants off you this year (not literally, unless you’re married, then hey-yo!). Write them a card. Send them a text. Buy them a coffee. Say thank you. Don’t let thanksgiving stop with turkey and sweet potato. Please, always say thank you.
But perhaps this wasn’t your year. Maybe you seriously considered turning in your adult card, burning all your grown-up clothes, and updating your resume to “professional Netflix-er.”
Sometimes, despite our prettiest mood boards and proudest mantras, life just pulls out some plot twists.
Maybe this year, life hit you with jabs and swings and kicks so intense, it landed you the ground. Perhaps your anxiety became claustrophobic and loneliness felt like it would be your legacy.
Maybe this year your tears became the ache you couldn’t articulate. I have been there friend. I have so been there.
In fact, this time last year I was there. Facing a new year with a broken promise and a hurting heart. I didn’t want to celebrate anything, let alone the year that had just gone! But I remember sitting on my patio in Australia reading my bible. This verse stopped me in my tracks. It was in the book of Jude. When I read it I felt that gentle but familiar whisper from Heaven. He said, “this is your verse for 2018. I’ve got you. You don’t have to celebrate what is behind you, but I want you to smile and what I am bringing you.”
So today, I want you to hear that whisper as you read this verse… The verse I read that day.
Jude 1:2 (The Message) says, “Relax, everything’s going to be alright; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!”
Don’t quit. Don’t give up on this year. It’s not over yet.
I’ve had moments this year where I wanted to get out of the boxing ring. I’ve had to learn how to keep punching even though I was tired, injured and exhausted. This has been my biggest year, my best year, and my most brutal year.
I’ve learned opening new doors requires more energy than occupying old rooms… And I’ve learned that the best years come out of the most broken places.
And I pray you will let those lessons speak to your heart today. After all, God didn’t bring us this far to see us defeated. I think it’s in His whisper to go one more round that our future is found.
So don’t wave that flag, not yet. You still have fight in you. I know you do. And I just wanted to remind you that it’s not over until that countdown gets to 1, until the fireworks begin to crack, and until those text messages roll in.
We have two weeks left of 2018. Let’s make it the most wonderful time of the year. And as for next year? Bring. It. On.
Hebrews 10:39 (MSG) But we’re not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We’ll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.
ABOUT ELYSE MURPHY
Elyse Murphy is a writer, pastor, and international speaker. She is driven by her passion for Jesus, the local church and Sephora makeup. Elyse is ministering to people with her message of grace founded in Jesus and her honest stories about life and its lessons.
Having grown up as a pastor’s kid in Sydney, Australia, Elyse graduated from Hillsong Leadership College, and has been a pastor working with young people and young leaders ever since. She has ministered globally in both church and secular settings, inspiring people in their life and challenging them in their faith.
Her experiences of life growing up as a PK led Elyse to write her first book “Confessions of a Church Kid.” Her book is a memoir of the good, bad and ugly of growing up with parents in ministry and all that it entails. Elyse has a Youtube channel and regularly blogs for Propel Women, She Rises, Assemblies of God and others.
These days Elyse calls Los Angeles home, working with young adults and leaders, and ministering as one of the executive pastors at Oasis Church in Los Angeles.
Fun Ways To Say, “Grateful for You, Friend!”
Thanksgiving is this week!!! Do you have your turkey recipe ready or did you opt to order your bird? 😉 I am grateful for many things in my life including my family, coffee, Jesus, my church and my FRIENDS (not necessarily in that order). This week, I’d like to pose a challenge to you to take some time and plan how you can show your friends that you are grateful for them.
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Make a “Why My Friend Is So Awesome” List and leave it in her purse for her to find in the middle of the day.
Reasons Why Kathy Is Awesome:
- She loves Star Wars movies.
- She is a great listener
- She mixes M&M’s with her popcorn
- She is a great daughter to her parents
- She knows the whole theme song to “FRIENDS”
- She is super smart!
- Her genuine faith in Jesus inspires everyone around her
- She has the best laugh
- She has a secret crush on Hugh Jackman
- She always knows what to say to cover awkward moments
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Watch her favorite movie with her (for the 100th time) after she’s had a long day. Bonus points if you bring her favorite dessert to share!
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Give her a ride to the airport, even if it’s at 4 a.m.! Yikes!
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Offer to plan her birthday party with a theme that’s totally her!
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Surprise her at work with her favorite ice cream.
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Drop off some saltines, ginger ale, chicken soup, and your copy of The Proposal at her place when she is stuck at home with the flu.
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Help her with things that come easily to you but are torture for her. . .: redecorating a room, creating a spreadsheet, buying the perfect black dress. . . .
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Listen to her vent over the phone about her hard day, and offer her encouragement and prayer!
ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER
Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.
Make Peace, Don’t Just Keep It
It used to be that when someone started out talking about peace, I relaxed a little. I’d consider my efforts to try not to be a dramatic person, and how I value harmony and everyone getting along. So peace and I, we see eye-to-eye. “Blessed are those who keep the peace…”? Check! I’m all about that conflict-avoidance life.
You can imagine my surprise when I actually read Matthew 5:9, which says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” I had to hear someone clearly distinguish the difference between being peacemakers and being peacekeepers before I realized how far off I had been in my misplaced confidence.
It’s like Sarah Bessey says, “Oh, man, if only ‘going along with what is easy’ was a spiritual gift. I’d be the holiest woman in the room.”
Turns out, I tend to be good at keeping the peace, not stepping on toes, that kind of thing. Not so much the holy and glorious task that Jesus commends us into, which is being people who create and facilitate peace through telling the truth and making hard decisions.
Bob Goff says it this way, “What I’ve come to learn so far about my faith is Jesus never asked anyone to play it safe. We were born to be brave. There’s a difference between playing it safe and being safe…If our life and our identity are found in Jesus, I think we can redefine safe as staying close to Him.”
Making peace, this way, is a task that requires facing and navigating conflict, pursuing wisdom, and speaking the truth in love. All concepts that sound much prettier in words than they feel in action. It requires knowing the truth from God and internalizing it so much that it starts to pour out of us in word and deed. The ultimate result of this is reconciliation and redemption in us and the people around us.
This peace doesn’t remind others of conflict-avoidance and sweeping things under the rug. Instead, it looks like mature conversations, keeping your cool in emotional situations, and countless numbers of genuine apologies issued. It requires taking a time-out when needed, asking deep questions, and believing the best in others when it would be easier and less time-consuming to make reactive assumptions.
I have a note on my phone that I’ve paused to look at way too many times to count, and it’s titled “Offended? Freaking out?” It’s specifically for those moments when it would be easier to avoid or react without wisdom and without truly taking the time to try and create peace. Here’s what it says:
“A person’s insight gives her patience, and her virtue is to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11)
“I can either be easily offended or deeply loving but not both!” (Tom Hughes)
First, take some deep breaths. Then ask these questions:
- What’s really going on?
- What am I feeling?
- Is my reaction in proportion to what actually happened? If not, who do those emotional reactivity points actually belong to?
Then, take a moment to vent in myself, to God. alone. “I am not a victim to my emotions or to any person’s actions or feelings. I choose how to respond out of God’s power, strength, and unconditional love for me.” Only then can I respond appropriately, acknowledge disproportionate levels of emotion, apologize, and seek reconciliation.
“Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.” (1 Peter 4:1-2)
You’d think I’d have it memorized by now, but I need these reminders so often.
I need the reminder that I am called to be a peacemaker, and that means not idolizing conflict as being more powerful than the task of seeking peace.
I need the reminder that peace never happens by accident, because it is the result of connection, not simply a lack of conflict.
The reminder that my feelings are not the truth or reality of any situation, simply indicators of my commitment to and involvement in it, and that I have the choice to seek something more than just a feeling.
And the ultimate reminder that God is a God who brings peace through love and sacrifice, not cowardice or fear.
This is always worth seeking, I just needed the reminder.
ABOUT SARAH ROSE LOCHELT
Sarah Rose Lochelt is a Southern-California native who is passionate about the power of communication and the connection that happens through conversation, especially when there is coffee involved. She is a pastor in the LA area and loves to write and speak about the lies of shame, the truth of grace, and the freedom that comes from relating authentically to one another, especially for women in the church. She always has at least one book to read in her purse, is infamous for making silly faces at babies in public, and could live on pizza for every meal.
Countdown to Easter
March has literally flown by in wind gusts and rainstorms. It seems this year is getting away from us, and as we barrel toward Easter Weekend, this fast pace is catching up with me! In ministry, as in life, I find myself needing to take time to catch my breath. In my role as Children’s Pastor to 300 kids and families, I find that if I don’t stop and catch my breath, I will get bowled over, stressed out, and physically sick. And that is certainly not how I want to step into the most important time of the year, when we get to celebrate the whole reason we are followers of Jesus…and when we potentially see more people coming to church than any other Sunday for the rest of the year.
So, what should you do when life seems to be constantly busy and you need a minute?
Point your eyes on Jesus. Of course!
Matthew 14:23 says, “After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone.”
Jesus did the work that He needed to do and then He secluded Himself and prayed. Jesus didn’t just pray a quick 5-minute prayer in the midst of His To Do List. The scripture says He went up on the mountain to pray and He was still there alone well into the evening.
Many times in Jesus’ time on earth, He could be found seeking God in prayer, alone.
Mark 1:35 says, “In the early morning, He got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there.”
Luke 5:16 says, “But Jesus himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.”
The thing I love is that no matter what part of the day, no matter how busy His schedule was, Jesus took time away, alone, to pray. This really challenges me, because as much as I spend time in prayer with God, I have to stop and think about time I seclude myself and pray. Where is my private mountain? Where is my secluded place?
To be honest, sometimes it is in my car, either parked in my garage or surrounded by standstill traffic on the 101. Or sometimes it is at my kitchen sink or in the bathtub. More times than not, as a Pastor, I find myself praying over the phone, in coffee shops, in people’s homes and hospital rooms, over baby cribs, and with other people. All of those things are not bad – praying with people and spending time with God is a good thing. But for the rest of the month, I’m going to take a lesson from Jesus and seclude myself to pray. I want to sit in the quiet and approach God alone. This way, I can continue to do the things He has asked me to do. I can rely on His strength and not my own. I can celebrate His death and resurrection in awe and wonder without rushing or stress.
I believe that deepening my alone time with God in prayer will reveal the greater purposes of my life here on earth. And that through this relationship with Him, I will come to know Him more intimately and begin to understand all that awaits in Heaven.
I challenge you to find secluded time to pray. I encourage you to be still and quiet, and listen for His voice. Easter preparations can wait. God wants us to honor Him and we can’t do that in the hustle and bustle of life. We have to stop sometimes and wait. Don’t just do something, stand there. Be with God.
Won’t you join me?
ABOUT LORI ANN PISCIONERI
Born in Texas and raised in Louisiana, Lori Ann Piscioneri has the pleasure to serve as the Kids Pastor at Oasis Church in Los Angeles, located in the middle of the most populated part of the city – Koreatown. Oasis is a culturally diverse church with contemporary services and relevant teaching for people of all ages. Having grown up in church, Lori Ann was first drawn to serve in Kids ministry at Oasis in 2010, and became Kids Pastor in 2013. She is a professional opera singer and voice teacher and believes God placed her in Kids to help them build their faith and discover their gifts and talents. Lori Ann and her husband Mike “Pish” serve together, building up disciples for Christ not only in Kids but as Connect Group Leaders and mentors for young adults and couples in Los Angeles. They write, produce, and perform in exciting and creative curriculum for Kids ages 2 – 12.
10 Ways to Love Your Husband
- Be kind.
Most of the time, we are kinder and more polite to strangers and acquaintances than we are to our spouses. It should not be that way, but often it is. Little acts of kindness can go a long way towards creating intimacy.
- Demonstrate respect.
You are not his mother, so don’t talk down to him or nag him. Interrupting him communicates disrespect (at at least, that is what Philip tells me!). So, let him finish his sentences . . . no matter how good you think your ending will would be!
- Get some sexy lingerie.
Enough said, really.
- Occasionally be the sexual aggressor.
He likes/needs to feel that you want him. Don’t just be the passive one. Mix it up!
- Go with him to a game/sporting event.
He really does want your company. It is not about whether or not you like sports —just doing something with him shows your love. (But you are a smart woman, so surely you can learn a thing or two about the sport while you’re at it!)
- Kiss him.
I’m not talking about the quick “don’t mess up my lipstick” kiss, but the “stop and grab his face” kiss. Even if you don’t have time for it to lead anywhere 🙂 . . . kissing is such a great connector! - Listen without interrupting.
Yes, I know this one is hard . . . - Encourage him.
Say something encouraging to him. He probably hears negativity all day long from others. What can you say that would be encouraging? What has he done well? Be his biggest cheerleader!! - Say nice things about him in front of others.
This is huge . . . and communicates love in a whole other way. - Show support for his dreams.
Come alongside him and support him. Life has a way of deflating our dreams. Let him know that you are with him and believe in him.
ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER
Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.
For I Am Love
It’s that time of year again… when all of the pink hearts and cupids come out and our social media is bombarded with meaningful, but overly affectionate posts. Everywhere you look, “love” is plastered on decorations, desserts, and casually spoken in folded valentines. For many, it’s a time of memory-making and celebration. For others, it’s a confusing and isolating time.
There was a point in my life where hearing that dreaded 3-word phrase sent chills up my spine. Friends of mine would casually call out “I love you!” as they ran out the door or hung up the phone, and I constantly wondered why. What does that really mean and why does everyone insist on saying it?
To me, love was painful. It was angry. It was violating. When someone said “God loves you,” I constantly felt confused because the primary human expression of love I had experienced up to that point did not match the beautiful, gentle description of God’s love in Scripture. It took going on an intense journey of deconstructing that manmade understanding within my heart to reconstruct a correct view of my Savior’s love.
God’s love is boundless. It’s reckless. It literally doesn’t make sense, because we have no matching example of it here on this earth. Many of us, in fact, have a definition of love in our head that is damaging and painful. Until we meet Jesus face to face, we are all on a journey to discovery the depths and the widths and the heights of His love. In reality, whatever understanding we gain from this journey is only a drop’s worth of the oceans of His love. Isn’t that amazing?
God wants us to know His love in a way that changes how we see ourselves and the world around us. Oh, that we would know the overwhelming, never-ending love of God.
If we were to take God’s intimate love put forth throughout the Word and translate it into a single letter, I think it would say something like this:
Dear daughter,
Be still for a moment, and know me. I am Love.
I chose you to be my daughter–before time began, before the foundations of the world. I am an artist, and I made you in the image of my Father. I knitted you together in your mother’s womb, counting every hair on your head along the way. I breathed life into your bones. I know your name, for I have called you by it. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are mine, and I love you; for I am Love.
Have you looked outside today? Do you see the grass on the ground, clothed with color and full of life? Have you glanced upward today to see the birds flying so freely? They have everything they need. How much more will I take care of you? For I am love.
Oh daughter, where there is love, there is no fear. For my love casts it all out! So when you are tempted to doubt and fade into the dark, step into my light. Be strong, be courageous, and fear not, my child, for I am with you. I will strengthen you when you are weak. I will help you when you are in need. I will uphold you, for I am on your side. What can man do to you? Nothing. Remember that my perfect love casts out all fear; for I am Love.
I will always take care of you. When you are hungry, you will feast at my table. When you are thirsty, you will be satisfied with living water. I will fight for you–you need only be still; for I am Love.
This love is patient. It is steadfast. It is far reaching. It is unfailing. There is none greater than me and there is no love greater than this. Nothing can separate you from it. No, not even your sin. I went to the cross while you were still sinning, to show you the depths of my love. By my wounds, you have been made whole. Greater love has no one than this! For I am Love.
My love will never run out on you. In fact, I desire to lavish it upon you day after day. You always have access to it, for you are my beloved child. Now, abide in it. Walk in it. Let it be the thing that clothes you.
For if you live in love, you live in Me. For I am Love.
(Scripture references: 2 Corinthians 6:18, Gen. 2:7, Psalm 46:10, Deuteronomy 7:9, 1 John 4:8, Genesis 1:27, Psalm 143:8, Psalm 139:14, Ephesians 1:4, Ephesians 2:10, Isaiah 43:1, John 1:12, Exodus, 14:14, Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 118:6, Romans 8:35, Romans 8:38-39, Isaiah 53:5, John 15, Colossians 3:14, Ephesians 5:2)
ABOUT LINZY WESTMAN
Linzy is a singer/songwriter and worship leader in the San Francisco Bay Area. She leads worship at various churches, conferences, and retreats around the country and is passionate about creating music that helps people connect with the heart of God. Linzy desperately wants to see God’s name lifted high in this hurting world and to help others recognize that it is because of Him we can fight for joy and healing. Her solo EP, Here in the Waiting, was released in July of 2015, shortly following her single entitled “I Surrender All to Thee.” When she’s not doing ministry, you will find her hiking, drinking coffee, or exploring new places with her hubby Dan and their sidekick (son) Peyton.
Starting With The Truth
I love any excuse for a new beginning or a fresh start.
2018 is upon us, and I find myself reflecting again on what I want to be different in my life in the upcoming year.
I try to notice where the same old sins keep popping up, and the one that has been brought to my attention is how often I compare and envy those remarkable women around me. Specifically, I find myself being judgmental and envious of those who are able to be transparent about their flaws.
I think the reason I envy that is because it is so hard for me.
It feels like one of my self-proclaimed life purposes is to hide those flaws that some people seem so able to accept about themselves.
I don’t like this about myself, and I know that a lack of authenticity is not the path to maturity.
This continues to bring me back to the idea of TRUTHFULNESS as a practice for this upcoming year.
It’s not that I’m not a truthful person. I excel at being diplomatic, and working to avoid hurting people’s feelings. Part of what makes me a good leader is my genuine care and concern for others. However, while I want to be loving and gracious, I fear that too often I do that at the expense of truthfulness.
I want to be a woman who speaks the truth and does so without fear.
In order to pursue this in 2018, I think what I need is to become more well-acquainted with the truth. It needs to be more of what I ingest in order for it to be more of what I communicate with my words and actions.
Here are a few specific ways I want to practice this in 2018…
- PRAY HONESTLY. I heard a phenomenal pastor preach about how important it is for us to pray prayers that are honest and bigger than the reach of our ability. Instead of asking God for what I really want, I try and figure out what He wants, and pray that, to make His job a little easier for Him. I don’t know when or why I decided that was part of my human job description, but I want to give that one up this year. I want to be fearlessly honest in my conversations with God, because I believe that He already knows and that I am the one who needs to hear that truth the most.
- SHARE TRUE FEELINGS. I too often curate and filter my thoughts and feelings to try and appease the people around me. There’s certainly something to be said about discretion and wisdom, and I deeply value that. However, erring on that side leaves me feeling not known and not seen, rather than deeply connected, the way God created us to be. When I edit the honesty of what I share, I hinder the depth and authenticity of all every relationship I am a part of.
- AVOID FLATTERY. In the same vein of curating what I say when it comes to sharing my honest thoughts and feelings, I sometimes fill in the blanks in silences and interactions with flattery and pleasantries just for the sake of being liked and approachable. Again, this isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, so much so as it’s just not the best thing. The best thing is honesty in relationships and true connection, and flattery doesn’t serve that purpose.
- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. It’s easier for me to take responsibility for other people’s stuff than for my own, and I have learned that I sometimes use that as a crutch to avoid looking at what I am actually responsible for. I wear busyness and other people’s stress as a badge of “care” and honor. When I pursue the truth about expectations and reality, I have to come to terms with what’s in my control and how very many things are not, so that I can be a good steward of what’s been entrusted to me. This is a humbling understanding, and keeps my perspective steady on God, who is actually in charge of everything.
I truly believe that our calling as Christians, particularly as leaders, is to be intimately acquainted with truth. I see my shortcomings in this area, and as 2018 approaches, I am determined to be steeped in truth and to prioritize that over my addiction to being liked or easygoing. Here’s to a more truthful 2018!
ABOUT SARAH ROSE LOCHELT
Sarah Rose Lochelt is a Southern-California native who is passionate about the power of communication and the connection that happens through conversation, especially when there is coffee involved. She is a pastor in the LA area and loves to write and speak about the lies of shame, the truth of grace, and the freedom that comes from relating authentically to one another, especially for women in the church. She always has at least one book to read in her purse, is infamous for making silly faces at babies in public, and could live on pizza for every meal.
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