March 13, 2019
Who Am I?

Do you ever ask yourself that question? WHO AM I?

In 2015, I got a rude awakening. I was on staff at a church for 6 years as the Worship Pastor and a new leader came in with a new vision. Unfortunately, he didn’t see me fitting into that vision so I was abruptly let go from my position. My church leadership wanted to keep me around but transition me to a new role, so I became an Adult Ministries Pastor where I helped organize small groups, women’s ministry, and was one of the campus pastors for an alternate venue. I was grateful for the opportunity to expand my experience in ministry, but I was also struggling very deeply with my calling. Was this what God wanted me to do, even though I still felt called to lead worship?

I entered a long desert season where God did some much-needed work on my heart. God was teaching me a big lesson and I didn’t realize it right away. I didn’t fully understand the enormity of my identity problem. For years, I had been finding my identity in being a worship leader when I should have been finding my identity as a child of God. When I was finally stripped of that title, I had to relearn who I was in the eyes of God. And trust me ladies, that is not a easy process.

Have you been there? What are you finding your identity in? Is it your job? Your title? Maybe your children or husband? Money or acceptance? The list goes on. There are so many things in this world that try to take our attention away from the beauty of Jesus. It is a constant daily struggle to keep our eyes focused.

But on the other side… there is freedom.

In 2017, God called me back to worship leading at another church, and being on the other side of my identity problem brought a freedom in leading that I have never felt before. It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about trying to prove something. Rather, it was about bringing my best and letting God do the rest (too cliche? haha). It was about aligning myself so closely with Jesus that as people looked at me on stage, all they saw was Him. It was about developing others and helping point them to their God given identity.

Today, I can honestly say that if God stripped worship leading away from me again, it would not matter. My identity is not found in being a worship leader anymore. My identity is found in Christ and whatever I can do to expand the kingdom, I will gladly take it on.

Let’s be a group of women who follow Jesus no matter the cost and strive daily to find our identity as a child of God.

Matthew 6: 6-13 (The Message)
“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace… This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what’s best—
   as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You’re in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You’re ablaze in beauty!
   Yes. Yes. Yes.”

 ABOUT ASHLEY BECKFORD

Ashley Beckford is the Associate Pastor at Unite Church in Pasadena, CA, where she leads worship and oversees all creative. She recently founded Unite Collective, a community of musically-gifted artists, worship leaders, musicians and creatives from Unite and its extended family, that strive to create resources for the church. A gifted leader and songwriter, she loves to develop people, especially other women in worship. Ashley is on the She Leads team as the ministry lead to worship and creative leaders. She loves spending time with her family and traveling!

February 18, 2019
The Way I See It

#Bettertogether This is so much more than just a cute hashtag for social media. I really do believe the statement is true! Unfortunately, developing real, authentic relationships that extend beyond surface tends to be where we women struggle the most. I think the problem has very little to do with others and everything to do with us.

Last week my family was driving to church and my husband looked over and said “what in the world, Meghan…how can you even see? Give me your glasses.” I handed them over and remarked…wow it’s much clearer without my glasses! Insert your own laughter here. He said that’s because they are covered in makeup smudges and dirt! OH….that makes so much sense! HA! He proceeded to clean them for me and when I put them back on, I could see so much better! I’m so grateful for a husband who is looking out for me. I need all the help I can get! 

In life and in friendships, often the lenses in which we are viewing others is tainted with our own insecurities and insecure people tend to show off, show down or shrink back. This impaired vision keeps us from developing true, authentic friendships. Friendships where you can vulnerably share your weaknesses and confidently celebrate your strengths! There are 4 types of dirty lenses that I want to challenge you to deal with so you can see clearly and begin to build healthy, amazing friendships! Remember the spots and imperfections that drive you crazy about someone else might not be on their face, it might be on yours! Ouch! So let’s start by cleaning our proverbial glasses, are you ready? 

Judgement, Jealousy, Competition and Comparison

These fierce 4 will rob you of friendships every time. 

Judgement

How many of you are quick to make assumptions and arrive at conclusions? I am raising my hand. So often we operate out of pain from past hurts or experiences and we place people in categories in an attempt to avoid being hurt again or as a means of feeling better about ourselves. 

The Bible actually tells us: Why are you so worried about the speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own. We’ve got to stop ourselves from creating a story about someone else’s motives or character without an actual conversation with them first! You might be surprised what a simple open-minded conversation will reveal. No one likes to be judged and the Bible says “in the same measure you judge others, you will be judged!” I most certainly don’t want that. I need grace with a shovel not just a spoon so I am realizing I need to extend all this grace to others and silence my own assumptions. 

Jealousy

Jealousy is simply wanting something that someone else has. Maybe it’s material…the house, the car, wishing you could travel like they do. Maybe she’s getting married or having a baby and you find yourself still single or unable to conceive and it’s painful. Maybe you see your girl experiencing success in the arenas that you have a desire to be successful and influential and your initial response is, it’s just not fair! Again this reveals our own insecurity and lack of contentment in the space and place God has us in. Confident women who are secure in their own identity and season are able to celebrate others without feeling less themselves. Jealousy will always limit your ability to build authentic friendships…it’s a barricade to any relationship and it can often be the thing that fosters competition.

Competition

Competition says I need to be better than you or prove that I am as good as you! You know some of my very best friends in the world are some girls who are far more “successful” in areas that I am passionate about! Those friendships have developed because I have made a very conscious decision to suffocate jealousy and comparison and to be a champion and cheerleader for my friends!!! This has required a decision. It didn’t start as a feeling. If I had allowed my feelings to lead, I would have become competitive and robbed myself of some amazing friendships. You may feel one way, but you need to make a decision to act another.  We are not competing with one another. We are all on a great big mission that God put us on this earth to accomplish and we need to learn to embrace who God called us to be and cheer others on in the race God has given them to run in! 

The last thing that dirties our lenses is Comparison! This is a big one for us girls! 

Comparison is the root of all inferiority. If you compare yourself to someone else, you will always feel inferior. This inferiority complex will limit your ability to connect authentically and you will find yourself isolating. To avoid the comparison trap, you’ve got to watch what you are feeding yourself. If you are gorging on the endless buffet of social media and comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your lowlight reel, you are going to always feel inferior. Maybe take a break for 30 days and practice celebrating the people around you! Celebrating others and practicing an attitude of gratitude about your life will shift the narrative every time!

We need one another. We really are better together. Godly friendships will add value to your life. They will encourage you, challenge you and remind you who God has called you to be!  

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 NLT 

We need the sharpening of sweet friendships in our lives but in order to develop those authentic relationships, we will need to clear our proverbial lenses of Judgment, Jealousy, Competitiveness and Comparison. When you clean the lenses…you clearly see the beauty in everyone and this is the friend I imagine you desire to have and the one you want to be! 

ABOUT MEGHAN ROBINSON

Meghan and her husband Carey pastor The Movement Church in Orange County California! Meghan is a wife, mom to two beautiful girls, church planter, pastor, speaker, friend, and big dreamer! Her greatest passion is helping women identify the God dream inside of them and awaken to their greater purpose! She also loves seeing women in ministry connected, equipped and inspired and is a part of our She Leads team!

December 17, 2018
Help! 2018 is Broken!

Guys, it’s almost Christmas. What. The Heck. If you need me over the next few weeks, I’ll be somewhere watching Elf… And probably answering my phone, “Elyse the Elf here, what’s your favorite color?” You think I’m joking.

Seriously though, it is almost 2019. TWENTY. NINE. TEEN.

Isn’t it crazy how much life can change in one year? The moments that we wish we could revisit. The memories that we wish we could erase. The things we wish we could have said. The things we wish we never said. The fights we had. The friends we made. The people we said goodbye to. The hopes deferred. The dreams fulfilled. And the perspective we gained in the process.

And it all started with a countdown full of hope, dreams and sparkling drinks.

Maybe 2018 has been the best year of your life. If so, more power to you girlfriend. Perhaps you found your person, held their hand and felt all the feels. Or you finally decided that nobody lets your dream sit in the corner, and you did something about it. Or you went on the type of trip that Instagram was created for, and everyone double tapped the heck out of your photos.

Maybe you were the Beyoncé of this year. And if so, can you tell me how you did it? (And then can you teach me the Single Ladies dance??)

But seriously, if this has been a great year, please… Reflect. And keep reflecting. Find the person who encouraged the pants off you this year (not literally, unless you’re married, then hey-yo!). Write them a card. Send them a text. Buy them a coffee. Say thank you. Don’t let thanksgiving stop with turkey and sweet potato. Please, always say thank you.

But perhaps this wasn’t your year. Maybe you seriously considered turning in your adult card, burning all your grown-up clothes, and updating your resume to “professional Netflix-er.”

Sometimes, despite our prettiest mood boards and proudest mantras, life just pulls out some plot twists.

Maybe this year, life hit you with jabs and swings and kicks so intense, it landed you the ground. Perhaps your anxiety became claustrophobic and loneliness felt like it would be your legacy.

Maybe this year your tears became the ache you couldn’t articulate. I have been there friend. I have so been there.

In fact, this time last year I was there. Facing a new year with a broken promise and a hurting heart. I didn’t want to celebrate anything, let alone the year that had just gone! But I remember sitting on my patio in Australia reading my bible. This verse stopped me in my tracks. It was in the book of Jude. When I read it I felt that gentle but familiar whisper from Heaven. He said, “this is your verse for 2018. I’ve got you. You don’t have to celebrate what is behind you, but I want you to smile and what I am bringing you.”

So today, I want you to hear that whisper as you read this verse… The verse I read that day.

Jude 1:2 (The Message) says, “Relax, everything’s going to be alright; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!”

Don’t quit. Don’t give up on this year. It’s not over yet.

I’ve had moments this year where I wanted to get out of the boxing ring. I’ve had to learn how to keep punching even though I was tired, injured and exhausted. This has been my biggest year, my best year, and my most brutal year.

I’ve learned opening new doors requires more energy than occupying old rooms… And I’ve learned that the best years come out of the most broken places.

And I pray you will let those lessons speak to your heart today. After all, God didn’t bring us this far to see us defeated. I think it’s in His whisper to go one more round that our future is found.

So don’t wave that flag, not yet. You still have fight in you. I know you do. And I just wanted to remind you that it’s not over until that countdown gets to 1, until the fireworks begin to crack, and until those text messages roll in.

We have two weeks left of 2018. Let’s make it the most wonderful time of the year. And as for next year? Bring. It. On.

Hebrews 10:39 (MSG) But we’re not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We’ll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.

ABOUT ELYSE MURPHY
Elyse Murphy is a writer, pastor, and international speaker. She is driven by her passion for Jesus, the local church and Sephora makeup. Elyse is ministering to people with her message of grace founded in Jesus and her honest stories about life and its lessons.

Having grown up as a pastor’s kid in Sydney, Australia, Elyse graduated from Hillsong Leadership College, and has been a pastor working with young people and young leaders ever since. She has ministered globally in both church and secular settings, inspiring people in their life and challenging them in their faith.

Her experiences of life growing up as a PK led Elyse to write her first book “Confessions of a Church Kid.” Her book is a memoir of the good, bad and ugly of growing up with parents in ministry and all that it entails. Elyse has a Youtube channel and regularly blogs for Propel Women, She Rises, Assemblies of God and others.

These days Elyse calls Los Angeles home, working with young adults and leaders, and ministering as one of the executive pastors at Oasis Church in  Los Angeles.

November 19, 2018
Fun Ways To Say, “Grateful for You, Friend!”
Thanksgiving is this week!!! Do you have your turkey recipe ready or did you opt to order your bird? 😉  I am grateful for many things in my life including my family, coffee, Jesus, my church and my FRIENDS (not necessarily in that order). This week, I’d like to pose a challenge to you to take some time and plan how you can show your friends that you are grateful for them.
  1.  Make a “Why My Friend Is So Awesome” List and leave it in her purse for her to find in the middle of the day.

    Reasons Why Kathy Is Awesome:

  • She loves Star Wars movies.
  • She is a great listener
  • She mixes M&M’s with her popcorn
  • She is a great daughter to her parents
  • She knows the whole theme song to “FRIENDS”
  • She is super smart!
  • Her genuine faith in Jesus inspires everyone around her
  • She has the best laugh
  • She has a secret crush on Hugh Jackman
  • She always knows what to say to cover awkward moments
  1.  Watch her favorite movie with her (for the 100th time) after she’s had a long day. Bonus points if you bring her favorite dessert to share!
  2.  Give her a ride to the airport, even if it’s at 4 a.m.! Yikes!
  3.  Offer to plan her birthday party with a theme that’s totally her!
  4.  Surprise her at work with her favorite ice cream.
  5.  Drop off some saltines, ginger ale, chicken soup, and your copy of The Proposal at her place when she is stuck at home with the flu.
  6.  Help her with things that come easily to you but are torture for her. . .: redecorating a room, creating a spreadsheet, buying the perfect black dress.  . . .
  7.  Listen to her vent over the phone about her hard day, and offer her encouragement and prayer!

 

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.

February 28, 2018
Blended Love

Growing up I was pretty sure that I knew everything about love…I mean, after all, what teenage girl doesn’t know EVERYTHING about love right? I grew up with parents who were married and loved each other well. In my house, words of affirmation and PDA were ever flowing. My parents had two kids, my brother Jordan and myself, and we constantly felt loved, secure, safe, and wanted. Ever since I was little girl I imagined having a family like the one I grew up in…I would marry a man as loving as my dad. Then this “perfect” man  and I would have “perfect” kids and live happily ever after, end of story. Easy peasy right?

Well, as great as my imaginary family was, God had different plans for me. In November 2016 I married a man who was practically perfect, and this amazing man had two beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. When I looked him in the face on our wedding day and promised forever, I had no idea that I would be entering into the most challenging, yet most rewarding season of life I ever imagined… stepmother hood. Now, after a year and half of marriage and being 9 months pregnant with our first child together, I look back at that teenage girl who had it all figured out, and I laugh.

Being in a blended family is definitely not for the faint of heart… or those without a good sense of humor. I have learned more about love this year and half than I ever have before. There is a verse in the Bible that many of us have heard countless times, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Now this all sounds really great… until YOU are the one that has to love someone this selflessly. And although I’d like to say I’m good at it…lets not get carried away…I think it’s more fair to say it’s a work in progress at best.

Loving a child can be a fairly easy thing to do for anyone, what’s difficult is loving children that aren’t yours, but they are yours at the same time… and mothering children who have a mother, although you are still their mother, but you’re also not their mother, yet you still need to parent and mother them, and tone it down when their mother is there, but not too much so you don’t lose their respect. Confused yet? Me too. This has been the dance for me and it’s not an easy one. Trusting and leaning on God has never been more important.

Now for the hardest part…. Loving my stepdaughters’ mother. Did I really just say that? Yes…. yes I did. Not just tolerate, not just communicate with, but LOVE her. To love her like Jesus asks us to love means that I ‘hold no record of wrongs’…wait what?! It also means that I persevere through the hardest of times, not just for her sake or mine, but also for the kids and my husband as well. Can you truly love someone that hurt the person you love the most? Let me tell you, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and sometime I fall short…or maybe a lot of times…but hey, it’s a work in progress. Love is an action, not a feeling, so to truly love her and the blended family that I am in, means that I have to forgive her every morning, first thing. It means that my human desire to be right can’t outweigh the desire for peace and to love and forgive.

For the record, my stepdaughters’ mother and I get along well for the most part, and I am sure there are things that I do that really bother her also, but like I said, it’s a dance. It’s learning to pick your battles, learning to forgive, and loving even when it’s difficult. I love my blended family… it’s no fairytale, but it’s a love story of the truest kind… what I call, a beautiful mess.

ABOUT PARIS WAGNER MURPHY

Paris Murphy is a Los Angeles native, daughter to Pastors Philip and Holly Wagner, and CEO and Founder of City of Lights International; a non-profit organization dedicated to providing emergency care to orphaned and vulnerable children in Uganda. Paris is married to David, stepmother to two little girls and is expecting her first baby, a daughter, Justice Reign, any day now. Graduating from California State University Northridge, Paris has a degree in Social Welfare, with emphasis in Child Development and International Relations. She is passionate about seeing vulnerable children getting the love, care and education they deserve. She really enjoys writing and speaking and hopes to encourage people through her life experiences..

February 19, 2018
February: The Month of LOVE

I can’t believe it’s February!  Of course, when I think of February, I think of Valentine’s Day (thanks, Hallmark!).  It is a day of celebrating love, relationships, and all things red and pink.  For some, it is a holiday filled with roses, chocolates, and romantic dates, but for others, it is a day full of anxiety and past hurts.

Many people go into a cave in February, only to crawl out again in March, when Spring in on the horizon.  This dread and avoidance mentality is quite the opposite of the celebration of love that Valentine’s Day promotes.  

So, how do we change that?  How do we promote celebrating love in a healthy way, so it is not just one, single holiday but a daily life choice?

Disclaimer:  I’m not promoting the commercialism of Valentine’s Day, by any means, but instead, looking at the holiday as an opportunity to find freedom from the past and move forward in positive affirmations and expressions of love.

1 John 3:18-20 says, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.  Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God.  Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings and He knows everything.”  NLT

This verse is full of action steps, so, here we go:

4 Ways to Love Again

1. More than words:  We all know those 3 words “I love you” carry a ton of weight, so when we say those words, we’d better mean them. 

Too often, those 3 words are tossed around without realizing the weight.  Instead of only saying “I love you” continue the thought and include “I love you when you call me on the phone and actually talk to me instead of just texting” or “I love you because you are thoughtful and heartfelt in how you spend time with our baby” or “I love you even though we had a disagreement about taking out the trash.”

When we qualify the statement, it brings the weight and meaning to the surface and then the next time you say a quick “Love you!” to your husband, as you head off to work one morning, there is more attachment to it than only the words.

2. Truth in action:  When we put weight into our words, this leads to action.  Following up encouraging words with action is a lot more meaningful than the words themselves.

My love language is acts of service, so I am quick to show love to my husband by doing the dishes or going grocery shopping for the week.  His love language is quality time, so while he loves to just talk and hang out together, I get antsy and want to be doing something.  So we find our actionable truth in expressing love to one another by incorporating both things.  We’ll go grocery shopping together and have meaningful conversation while sitting in LA traffic.

No matter what your love language is, the more you put it into action, the more truth you will find in expressing your love for one another.

3. Confidence in God:  When we choose to follow Jesus and experience a loving relationship with Him, we can be confident that our past is over and we are forgiven and redeemed in the life He has for us.  The more we study the truth of what God says about us – we are His children designed to honor and glorify Him – and put that truth in action, the more our love is evident in our everyday lives.

He forgives us when we mess up, so let’s be truly repentant and make daily choices to reflect His love back to Him and out towards others.

This means we can brighten someone’s day with a simple card that includes encouraging words, or give a smile to someone who needs a little cheering up.  God will work in those moments, and He will get the glory.

4. God is love!  He is bigger than our feelings and knows what is best for us at all times!  So let’s relish in that!  Instead of dreading February, let’s remember that Christ died for us because He loves us and it is only right to reciprocate that love to others, no matter how we feel.

Pray that God will give you a heavenly perspective that is full of His grace.  Pray that when you hear “I love you” the next time, you receive its fullest intention and can return that same love in truth and confidence.

May you experience the love and peace of Christ in every area of your life.

 

ABOUT LORI ANN PISCIONERI

Born in Texas and raised in Louisiana, Lori Ann Piscioneri has the pleasure to serve as the Kids Pastor at Oasis Church in Los Angeles, located in the middle of the most populated part of the city – Koreatown.  Oasis is a culturally diverse church with contemporary services and relevant teaching for people of all ages.  Having grown up in church, Lori Ann was first drawn to serve in Kids ministry at Oasis in 2010, and became Kids Pastor in 2013.  She is a professional opera singer and voice teacher and believes God placed her in Kids to help them build their faith and discover their gifts and talents.  Lori Ann and her husband Mike “Pish” serve together, building up disciples for Christ not only in Kids but as Connect Group Leaders and mentors for young adults and couples in Los Angeles.  They write, produce, and perform in exciting and creative curriculum for Kids ages 2 – 12.

February 14, 2018
10 Ways to Love Your Husband
  1. Be kind.
    Most of the time, we are kinder and more polite to strangers and acquaintances than we are to our spouses. It should not be that way, but often it is. Little acts of kindness can go a long way towards creating intimacy.
  1. Demonstrate respect.
    You are not his mother, so don’t talk down to him or nag him. Interrupting him communicates disrespect (at at least, that is what Philip tells me!). So, let him finish his sentences . . . no matter how good you think your ending will would be!
  1. Get some sexy lingerie.
    Enough said, really.
  1. Occasionally be the sexual aggressor.
    He likes/needs to feel that you want him. Don’t just be the passive one. Mix it up!
  1. Go with him to a game/sporting event.
    He really does want your company. It is not about whether or not you like sports —just doing something with him shows your love. (But you are a smart woman, so surely you can learn a thing or two about the sport while you’re at it!)
  1. Kiss him.
    I’m not talking about the quick “don’t mess up my lipstick” kiss, but the “stop and grab his face” kiss. Even if you don’t have time for it to lead anywhere 🙂  . . . kissing is such a great connector!
  2. Listen without interrupting.
    Yes, I know this one is hard . . .
  3. Encourage him.
    Say something encouraging to him. He probably hears negativity all day long from others. What can you say that would be encouraging? What has he done well? Be his biggest cheerleader!!
  4. Say nice things about him in front of others.
    This is huge . . . and communicates love in a whole other way.
  5. Show support for his dreams.
    Come alongside him and support him. Life has a way of deflating our dreams. Let him know that you are with him and believe in him.

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.

 

 

December 20, 2017
Grateful For Growth

“It’s not the one who plants or the one who waters who is at the center of this process, but God, who makes things grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:7 MSG)

In this season, gratitude lists abound, and for good reason. When I stop to take the time to consider what I feel truly and desperately grateful for, even beyond the material blessings of the day-to-day, I return again and again to that verse in Corinthians 3 that tells me that I am not in charge of my own growth; God is. And for that I am profoundly thankful.

I am not in charge of my own growth. God is.
I am not in charge of my own healing. God is.
I am not in charge of my own refining. God is.

I don’t have the power to mature or fix myself, any more than a doctor has the power to lay down on an operating table and do surgery on herself.

All I can do is submit myself to the master of transformation Himself, and let Him do His work.

This is where I find myself the most thankful in this season – in the reminder that I am not in charge.

And when my “work-harder-hustle-more” tendencies get triggered, and I find myself battling the vulnerability of being messy and in-process, I have to remind myself of some truths about what is in my control and what is not.

No matter how hard I try, I can NOT control these things…

  1. I cannot control the speed of my healing. I would choose to snap my fingers and be all fixed-up, and that has not yet happened in my almost-30-years of life on this earth. My favorite song on my yoga teacher’s playlist reminds me each week that “You can’t rush your healing.” As much as I wish I could.
  2. I cannot control the visibility of my healing. I would say that the most difficult and painful part of my closest relationships is when my flaws, sins, and shortcomings are shown in front of others. I’d be happy to keep everything wrong with me hidden from the world. (#perfectionism) I shrink in shame when my sins overflow onto those around me, and my need for healing is exposed. It can’t be healed without first being exposed, and I hate that part.
  3. I cannot control the extent of my healing. Again, I wish healing and growth were complete, instantaneous, and miraculous, but one beautiful and difficult thing I’m learning about the Lord is that He is more concerned with who I become in my time on this earth than He is about my comfort level. God works at His level, and it is always different and better than what I would have planned.

Once I have (attempted) to strip those untruths away, I come back to the things I CAN control…

  1. I can control my attitude in the process of my healing. In fact, psychologists have coined the phrase “post-traumatic growth” to reflect the phenomenon of how much challenge can be the catalyst for transformation, depending on the perspective we have of it. It takes so little to shift my attitude in the midst of growth and change, but I avoid it so naturally, because it takes maturity and work.
  2. I can control the loneliness of my healing. As Brene Brown reminds us, “shame flourishes with silence, secrecy, and judgment.” I can choose to share my pains, my struggles, and my shortcomings with my community, and in that way, keep shame from taking hold and convincing me that I’m in this alone, which is not the truth, no matter how unique my struggles might feel.
  3. I can control who takes the credit for my healing. I know that God doesn’t need the credit, but as much I try to steal that credit so that I can meet my own need for productivity and control, I am in the wrong. I know who is in charge of fixing me, and any attempt to take that is stealing. I want to pat myself on the back and act like some part of the growth that takes place in me can be credited to my account.

I truly do want to grow into the woman, the leader, the wife, the servant, that God has created me to be. Yet, I so often get caught up in the vast chasm between who I am today and that person that I will hopefully be someday, and I get impatient for that transformation. What’s dangerous is when I start to project that impatience onto God.

Shauna Niequist writes these words in her book “Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life”, speaking from God’s heart to hers, (and mine, as well). He says, “I didn’t ask you to become new and improved today. That wasn’t the goal. You were broken down and strange yesterday, and you still are today, and the only one freaked out about it is you.”

If love is patient and kind, and God is love embodied, then He is by nature patient and kind, and does not struggle with my impatience for growth, and for that I am profoundly grateful.

 

ABOUT SARAH ROSE LOCHELT

Sarah Rose Lochelt is a Southern-California native who is passionate about the power of communication and the connection that happens through conversation, especially when there is coffee involved. She is a pastor in the LA area and loves to write and speak about the lies of shame, the truth of grace, and the freedom that comes from relating authentically to one another, especially for women in the church. She always has at least one book to read in her purse, is infamous for making silly faces at babies in public, and could live on pizza for every meal.

December 13, 2017
Home for the Holidays?!

Home for the Holidays?!

Some of you love the thought of Christmas approaching. Like me, maybe you delight in the anticipation, the shopping, the meals, the lights, the snow (well, not here in LA!) and hanging out with friends and family. And others of you dread the whole season, wishing the calendar would quickly turn from the day before Thanksgiving to January 2. Most of our feelings of about Christmas come from our memories of childhood Christmases.
Here’s the thing.
You are not a child anymore. If you have great memories of Christmas, it is because someone made your Christmas great. And now you are the grown up. It is your turn to make Christmas great for someone else.
If you have painful holiday memories, then it is now your chance to create new ones.
Be careful about getting sentimental.
Be careful about wasting time wishing your memories were different.
Going to visit your family during for Christmas can be a good thing . . . and it can be a painful time.
If going to see your family only brings you pain . . . why go? If you keep hoping that your dad won’t get drunk this time, or your mom won’t constantly berate you, then maybe you should stay away. Or at least keep your visit brief.
As a grown up, you get to make your own family traditions.
If you are married, you have a new family . . . and you get to create your own holiday memories.

Six Holiday Traditions to Consider

  1.   Attend a candlelight service. ( My favorite thing!)
  2.   Have a special Christmas breakfast. (Ours involves Cinnabons!)
  3.   Read the story of Jesus’ birth before you open gifts. (After all, it is the reason we celebrate!)
  4.   Invite friends to Christmas dinner. (Life is always better with friends!)
  5.   Go see a movie Christmas night. (C’mon…the new Star Wars is out!!)
  6.   Purchase Christmas gifts for a family who is struggling. Surprise them! (We love doing this!)

Just some simple way to create your own traditions. Let’s make this the most wonderful time of the year!

 

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.

 

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