SHE LEADS
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SHE WORSHIPS
SHE CREATES
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May 25, 2017
She Is Freedom

By: Sarah Jakes Roberts

There she was standing there watching as life passed her by. It wasn’t that she didn’t desire to move forward, but simply that she didn’t believe she could anymore. It didn’t happen all at once. No. It began slowly, but little by little she began to deteriorate from the person she once hoped she could be. It started with school not going as planned and then friendships falling apart . Everything she thought added value to her eventually left. Her worth was destroyed and her pride left her grasping for whatever would stay. The problem was that the only people who were willing to stay were the ones who were stagnant themselves. It didn’t take long before she started cozying up to the reality something was better than nothing and her life could be worse. Just when she decided to settle and adjust a voice whispered from the innermost part of her soul.

 

She spent months trying to drown it out. To be truthful there were times when she was even successful at ignoring it, but fully dissipate it never did. The voice followed her as she walked throughout the store. It chased her to her car and found it’s way to her desk. No matter where she went the voice came with her. It spoke above her fears and was louder than her insecurities.

 

The voice did not care how well she was holding her life together. The only thing that mattered to the voice was the message she needed to receive.

 

The voice whispered softly at first. It simply said, “live.”  She closed her eyes as the volume increased and dared to challenge her façade.  The voice said, “Don’t be afraid to admit you want more.” The voice demanded her to confess that she deserved more than the shell of a life she was settling for. She spent years trying to silence the voice of her hopes and dreams. She spent decades trying to pretend the voice had no power, but all of that changed the moment that voice went from living in her head to coming out of her mouth.

 

The words came out sharp, direct, and strong like bullets shooting through the box she had learned to live in.  She never realized that the only thing standing in the way of her and the joy, peace, and love she always wanted was admitting that she still wanted it. Suddenly she was free. She was no longer controlled by the memories.

 

Each time a thought tried to war against her liberty she declared that she would be free. She was alive. She was inhaling the promises of God and exhaling the fears of her past. The sun kissed her skin and her soul leaped within. She could feel.

 

The breeze raced through her hair, sent shivers down her spine, and added wind to her wings. She was rising. She was rising far above who she used to be and into a dimension she thought she’d never be able to access. Everyone who thought she’d never do it sat back in amazement as they watched her rise. She didn’t stop to pay them any attention or to check to see if they were comfortable with her ascension. She was on a mission and there was no time to waste. If you wanted any chance at finding her you’d have to discover your own path of unlimited faith. Her feet were made to walk on water and only those who could withstand the waves could be in her space.

 

That she was Ruth, that she was the woman with the issue of blood, that she was Mary, Martha, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, and any other woman who decided the sky was the limit and the possibilities are endless. That she was me…That she is you… That she is unstoppable with God and nothing can stand in her way.

 

April 13, 2017
So friends… meet Sarah!!

Have you met my amazing friend Sarah?!!!

She’s pretty amazing! She’s Real. She’s Funny. She loves coffee. And she’ll be with us at conference!!

Sarah and I recently spent some time together…and well…we thought it would be fun for you to join us on our coffee run!

So friends… meet Sarah!!

February 3, 2017
Ways The Church Can Respond

This last summer while on vacation in Europe, many people upon hearing our American accents, would stop Philip and me and ask what was going on in our country. They asked how we ended up with a choice between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. I certainly didn’t have all the reasons, and I just apologized and laughingly said, “You should pray for us.”

Now, months later, I am not really laughing. Neither Hillary nor Donald was my ideal choice for President, and yet here we are.

For the past thirty-three years, my husband and I have been pastoring Oasis Church in Los Angeles, which according to a study done by CNBC, is the most ethnically diverse city in our country. There are more than 200 languages spoken here. I love and value the diversity of my city, which is reflected in our church, our leadership team, our staff and is reflected amongst my friends. I grew up in Venezuela, where I had to learn Spanish if I was going to be successful in school; Indonesia where I went to a school with forty-four nationalities represented, and London, which is another melting pot of cultures. All that to say, I have grown up seeing the beauty and diversity of our world and one of the things that makes our country strong is the incredible diversity of people, cultures, languages and ways of thinking.

In light of some of the tensions in our country, I just want to share a few thoughts. I am not a politician, and I am aware that I might offend some by what I say and by what I might not say. This just might be a no win situation for me, but I am going to give it a go.

I love my country. I am just a little sad at the division that seems to be growing rapidly. The media can make it challenging to understand the full truth in politics because each outlet seems to have a different agenda. In trying to discover facts about any issue I have found that I need to get news from a variety of sources, including those outside the US. When I watch CNN, I see and hear things from a different perspective than when I am watching FOX News. I have realized in life, if you only sit in a room with people who think like you, your perspective might stay small and it could be hard to ultimately make the right decision. I heard some television reporter say that one of the reasons Hillary lost the election was because she, and her team were shouting in an echo chamber. They didn’t listen to other voices with different viewpoints. Regardless of whether that is true, I don’t want to be like that. I welcome conversations, sometimes-difficult ones, with those who might think differently than I do. There is room for them at my table.

The most recent controversy has been over the US dealing with refugees. As most of you know, President Trump issued an executive order which includes a 90 day travel ban on all citizens from seven countries: Iran, Iraq Syria, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan and Libya; and suspended the entry of all refugees for 120 days. His reasoning was so that the vetting processes could be reevaluated, and so that criminal activity into immigrants could be researched. This is not a “Muslim ban” on Muslims in the other forty or so Muslim nations, just these seven. As President, one of his jobs is to make our country safe, and while it is not fully clear that this idea will do that, this is one of the ways he thinks it should be done. The tragedy is that for the last few years Syria has been in a civil war and millions of people, including children, have been harmed and displaced. The Syrian refugee crisis has been the largest humanitarian crises of recent history.

So as the Church what are we to do?

Pray, love, listen.

Pray. Pray for our President and leaders. (1 Timothy 2:1-2). It doesn’t say bash the President. It says pray for him. I just want to know, how many of you are praying for him? Maybe even through gritted teeth? I would like to be so bold as to say that if you spend more time complaining on social media, or to your friends than you do praying for him and our country’s leaders, you are missing the mark. Pray that he listens to good counsel. Pray that his heart and words are moved with wisdom and compassion. Just pray. He needs it.

Pray for the refugee. (Exodus 22:21, Leviticus 19:9-10, Matthew 25:35-40, Luke 3:11, Hebrews 13:2) Most of them just want to go home, and sadly don’t have one to go to. They are victims themselves from tragedy in their own nation. I can’t even imagine the pain that most of them must be in. And after you pray, put some action to those prayers. Again, I would like to be bold and say that if you are posting compelling images on social media but aren’t actually doing anything for the refugee, you are missing the mark. Faith without works is dead. Love is not a feeling, love is a verb. It always involves action. So pray, and then how about giving? At Oasis we have received offerings to help those on the ground working with the refugee, and are currently researching how we can be of assistance to those who have recently immigrated to our area. I am sure you can find someplace to contribute. And how about loving your neighbor, your actual neighbor. Instead of picking a political fight, let’s be encouraging and kind to people right where we are. I am sure there is a refugee, or foreigner or first generation immigrant in your neighborhood. It is often easier to have compassion on those far away than those who are close. So, before you post that next Tweet, see if there is someone right next to you that you can help, someone you can actually demonstrate love to.

There have been some pretty massive marches around the world recently, and I like to think that if I had been old enough I would have marched right alongside Martin Luther King Jr., but if all we do is march and don’t pray or even consider listening to another person’s perspective on something, we will never reach a solution. In the midst of tension, sometimes the hardest thing to do is have empathy for the other person – to try and understand their intentions, their pain or their situation. We can be so quick to give our opinion on every issue, but sometimes the best thing to do is listen and then help provide a solution. It is easier to walk in the march-for- life (and I am all about protecting the unborn; they are truly defenseless) than it is to take care of a woman with an unwanted pregnancy and walk alongside her to help make a different choice. We cannot mistake social media posts, marches or angry blogs for actual action.

We are the church. We are to love. We are to lift our voices for those unable to. (Proverbs 31:8-9) Jesus did not come to earth and go after the abusive government of Rome to try to change politics; he went for the hearts of men and women. He loved people of all cultures and backgrounds – the powerful and the marginalized, and as a leader he brought others on the journey with him.

I know this may not have answered your questions or solved any major issues. But in this season when tensions are high, I am trying to help pastor my congregation through all of the toxicity. I won’t do it perfectly, and there are things I might say or not say that can be misinterpreted. Regardless of the political climate, our mission as His Church does not change. We are to love rather than hate, to respond rather than react, to be the ones bringing peace and hope in a world so desperate to see it.

How about letting the truth of this verse speak to your soul?

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anyting, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

There are a few organizations that are working with refugees. Here are a few to check out:
Preemptive Love
A21
World Vision

 

 

 

 

ABOUT HOLLY WAGNER

Holly and her husband, Philip, co-pastor the Oasis Church located in Los Angeles. She and Philip have taught many relationship seminars around the world and are committed to healthy marriages, especially their own! They love spending time with their two young adult children, Jordan and Paris, and enjoy seeing them fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives. Holly is also a student at Liberty University.

Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, GodChicks, Holly seeks to blow the lid off the boxes that women have sometimes put themselves in and encourages women to be the amazing, world-changing champions they were made to be.

She has written several books, using her humorous yet challenging style to encourage readers. Her books include: GodChicks, Daily Steps for GodChicks, WarriorChicks, Survival Guide for Young Women, and Love Works.

February 2, 2017
Failure & Faithfulness

By: Sarah Lochelt

As a (recovering) perfectionist, there’s really only one thing that scares me more than failing. (Besides the obvious things like death and small spaces and moths…things everyone is afraid of too, right? No?)

What scares me more than failing, is failing twice. Remember that old adage, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” That’s what I’m talking about. Except it feels more like “Failure of any kind, shame on me.”

It’s hard enough to take a risk or step out into something that might mean failure once. This could be debuting a new song at church, or sharing something vulnerable with an audience, or starting a difficult conversation. Those things require the ordinary courage that we all are asked to exude.

Then, there is a whole other new and scary kind of courage that life requires. It’s the kind of courage demanded by situations where you’ve already failed and you have to persist in that same service, family, context, or pursuit.

Maybe this looks like being in a continued relationship with someone who you have already disappointed, or has disappointed you. It’s getting up the next day and receiving that mercy or forgiveness or grace. You don’t get to just wash your hands of it because you’re embarrassed you messed up, like I often wish I could.

Maybe the familiar brand of failure is with your family, or a family you desire. Maybe a dream that’s been lost, or just hasn’t yet been found. Maybe you find yourself at a crossroads and desperate for any hint of which way to go. There are so many ways that we find ourselves scared or disappointed in anticipation of what (could be) to come.

I’m getting pretty good at noticing when this fear of failure is at root in a situation. It’s becoming easier and easier to remember the telltale signs of that anxiety, particularly for me because it’s become so familiar.

Even when it’s named, though, we still have to face it. We still have to confront the reality that life does not come with guarantees. We can’t sit around hoping God will tell us exactly what to do and promise us a 100% success rate.

In fact, what He has told us instead is, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

For me, this means setting aside my natural inclination towards only stepping out when it seems like success is probable. Instead, when my heart beats fast and my anxiety wants to take over, and I will choose to take small steps forward, remembering that God is not a God of confusion, but of peace (1 Cor. 14:33) and that is more than enough for me.

It means that things will be difficult, and yet our job is to be faithful. God gave us a simple task, to trust Him. It isn’t an easy one for our prideful, self-sufficient souls to pursue. But, it is the most excellent way.

Trusting God with our faith and our efforts, and leaving the results up to Him means that we have to trust Him, not just with the possibility of our failures, but with the inevitability of them. It means we can’t hide from failure, even failure over and over again. We must face the reality that failure is not the enemy, and that we have a God who is good and powerful and faithful, even when failure overcomes us. We have a champion who has already overcome the world.

February 1, 2017
Flying Through the Open Air of Transition

By: Ashley Beckford

When I was in Jr. High, my school had an amazing ropes course. It was high, 40 feet to be exact, and it was challenging. Coming from a person who is terrified of heights, I was not too excited to do this in P.E. class. But, unfortunately, I am also very competitive and love a good challenge so despite my fears, I did it anyways. I started with some of the easier things like the wall climb and the zip line. Check. But when I got to the harder courses, especially the trapeze jump, I wasn’t so sure I could tackle the task in front of me.

In order to succeed at the trapeze, you climb up a 40 foot wooden pole-like ladder, but instead of steps, you are placing your feet on small metal U’s coming out of the pole; not the most stable of ladders. Of course you are strapped into a safety harness that will catch you if you fall, but you are not thinking about that as you get higher and higher… further and further away from the safety of the solid ground.

The higher I climbed, the louder my breath became. The higher I climbed, the further I was from comfortable. But being in Jr. High where peer pressure is a part of everyday life, I forced myself to take one more step… and one more step. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, I reached the top. I was relieved until I realized that what I had to do next was even scarier than the climb: I had to pull myself up onto the top of the pole and balance without holding onto anything! What?! For someone who was deathly afraid of heights, this was the most frightening thing yet. So very carefully, and with all the confidence I could muster, I climbed up to the top of the pole and stood up.

I WAS FROZEN.

Ahead of me was the actual trapeze jump. The moment when you leap from the tiny pole to a handle…. 40 feet above the ground. Yeah right.

But before I would reach that handle, I would have to fly through open air. The time in between. The time when you are flying towards something new, yet have nothing to hold onto. The time when you are virtually leaving one platform and looking towards the next. TRANSITION. It is scary. It is uncomfortable. But it is necessary. In order to get to the next step, you must take the leap and endure the place of no foothold.
To be honest and transparent, I am flying through the open air of transition right now. It is hard and it is forcing me to be patient. And even though this might sound cliche, I am being refined more than ever in this season. God is stretching and molding me into His image; in the ways I respond and in the the ways that I trust.

I have learned several lessons during this time of transition:

  • There is no need to look back. I have been tempted to go back to the familiar, but God doesn’t want that for me. His ways are best and he knows the exact color and shape of the next “handle” I need to grab onto. And the color is going to be stunning! I just need to keep my eyes fixed on the prize.
  • There is no need to freak out. When you are flying through open air with nothing to hold on to, it is easy to get scared and uneasy. So God is teaching me to trust and let go of the certain things I have held onto for so long. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” God knows exactly what He is doing, and all I need to do is trust Him.

In the meantime, enjoy the open air! It is a rather nice breeze.

February 1, 2017
She Creates | Danielle Bennett

 

By: Danielle Bennett
@missdbennett

 

on bravery

The silence says I am freshly gutted.
Says the lantern I’ve been using looks a lot like my ego.
Says I am novice in the art of honesty—
too blunt or too ambiguous.
That I have molded my life in the shape
of other people’s opinions and desires.
That each day at noon, the
old church bells sound my failures,
including the name of each person
I have used to feed the wrong beasts.

Silence – a cactus of gentle points
waiting for me to notice I haven’t been bleeding
anything but grace
and quiet darkness can look like the back
of an open throat but I know
it won’t swallow me.

Sweet silence, I am not afraid
of your voice. At the end of everything
you are always a boomerang-ed
“I love you” returning
home to me again and again.

Is this not the beginning of bravery?
What it is to spread my deck on the table each morning,
pull the missing cards from out of my sleeves,
and choose to play with my
whole hand?

What it is to walk head on
into a crashing wave,
arms spread like an albatross,
unafraid because silence
and I both know
that even if the wave cuts me open,
it’s gonna meet God in there,
gonna find itself
spilling into an ocean.

February 1, 2017
Ministry is Messy

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We live in the most incredible moment in history. The church is alive and influential. In a world covered in darkness, the church in all her beauty truly is shining bright!

Unfortunately the shining light and influence has led many young leaders to believe that ministry is skinny jeans, itinerate speaking, big stages, followers on Instagram and exploding churches. The danger in this mentality is that we loose sight of the fact that our job is to exalt the name of Jesus and HE will draw all men unto him. We fix our eyes on world renown speakers, radically growing churches, the latest trends in social justice and we begin striving to build the “spotlight church” only to be disappointed when ministry gets messy!

If you have been in ministry for more than 5 minutes, you probably have realized that this is a lot of work!

I’ve often said that ministry would be amazing if it weren’t for all the people! In any given week you have been given the wonderful opportunity to dive into the beautiful mess of peoples lives as well as dealing with the dirt in your own. It may be a 25 year old young women facing an overwhelming diagnosis of stage 4 cancer, a single dad raising his children and fighting for a marriage that his wife has walked out on, a teenager that has been sexually abused and you have to make the report and turn her world even more upside down, or a long time church member battling a drug addiction that is greatly effecting his wife and teenage children. Maybe you are dealing with a staff member who has admitted to a deep personal battle and needs to be walked through the power of God’s redemption, couples in the church who have been caught up in adultery, drama that has escalated as a ridiculous misunderstanding in a connect group or long time friends who tell you they are leaving your church!

And all of that is probably happening in just one week! Or am I the only one?

This on top of navigating the week in and week out responsibilities you carry for your church, dealing with your own insecurities, creating a healthy marriage, raising great kids and fighting the urge to throw in the towel by reminding yourself; “Don’t grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest IF you do not give up!” If you are anything like me, you have probably found yourself asking God

“When is this DUE SEASON?”

This is ministry. It is messy. This is the spotlight God has called you to. We have the privilege and responsibility to shine the light of God on the broken pieces of peoples lives and show them how the beautiful love of Jesus longs to put them back together. We have to opportunity to present the gospel to people who are desperately in need of hope week in and week out. There is no higher calling than to build the church, and my friend, God saw fit to call you! He didn’t call you to a world of Christian celebrities….he called you to a world of beautifully broken people in which you and I fit in perfectly! He never said it would be easy, he just said he would be with us. It was never about the spotlight or the mega church, Jesus has always been about the one and he was never afraid of the mess!

A while back we had a conversation with a couple who were leaving our church. That never gets easy. When you invest your heart and soul into leading people and they walk away, it hurts but it doesn’t change your calling. At the end of the day, we are responsible for how we represent the church, it’s the bride of Christ and He is quite passionate about it. People are not ours to hold on to with a clenched fist but to steward with an open hand. Sometimes you walk people through the deepest darkest valleys of their lives and they leave you when they reach the mountain top. But the same thing happened to Jesus, right? Ministry is messy. It is sometimes a punch to your gut that takes you to you knees asking God, why?

Psalm 46:10 in the Passion Translation say’s this:

“Surrender your anxiety. Be silent and stop striving and you will see that I am God!”

As you are leading in whatever dynamic of ministry God has called you to, this is foundational. Surrender your anxiety. Stop worrying. You won’t have all the answers, but you know the one who does. You won’t be able to change many of the messes you encounter, but you will be able to help people find Jesus in the midst of them. You can’t grow your church or force people to understand the vision, so stop striving. Be silent. Stop repeating all the wrongs that have been done to you and the heavy weight you have had to bare. That weight was never meant for you, God told you he would carry it…so let it go.

You and I are living in the greatest moment in history and we have been given the highest privilege, we are building the church. It is exhilarating, exhausting, messy and rewarding, but this is the churches finest hour! I am believing it is “due season!” So friend, do not give up! Surrender anxiety, stop striving and I believe we will see God do the miraculous in our lives, our churches and our world!

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ABOUT MEGHAN ROBINSON

Meghan and her husband Carey pastor The Movement Church in Orange County California! Meghan is a wife, mom to two beautiful girls, church planter, pastor, speaker, friend, and big dreamer! Her greatest passion is helping women identify the God dream inside of them and awaken to their greater purpose! She also loves seeing women in ministry connected, equipped and inspired and is a part of our She Leads team!

IG: Divapastor | Twitter: MeghanLRobinson

February 1, 2017
Relationships, The Workshop of Life

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It honestly doesn’t seem possible that I have been married to my high-school sweetheart for 42 years as time has flown by so quickly — most of it has been really great and some of it super hard. On this relationship journey I have learned some valuable lessons, albeit most of them the hard way, but I am truly grateful that John and I have invested our heart and soul into our marriage and our friendship, Today, I can see so clearly that my children, our grandchildren, our church community and beyond have benefitted from some of the wisdom we’ve gained along the way. What I have learned as we journeyed back from a hurting and broken marriage has served us well in every relationship in our lives.

Relationships are the Workshop of life.

There are no two relationships that are alike, so it would be impossible to give you a simple, basic formula to guarantee successful, fulfilling and wondrous relationships in your life. People are complicated and so are relationships, so each relationship beckons us to become an expert on the person we are building it with.

Here are just a few of the life-lessons that I have learned over the years:

Every successful relationship starts with a healthy YOU.

If you don’t have a healthy heart & soul it will manifest in your relationships first. Proverbs 4:23 teaches us that we should ‘pay attention to our heart, because it affects everything we do.’ Early in our marriage I truly believed that the entire demise of our marriage rested completely on John’s shoulders — I blamed him for everything and refused to look at my own hurt, critical, and broken heart. When I allowed the Holy Spirit to go to work on me, it was amazing how quickly things began to change. ‘Mt. St. Helen’ settled down and stopped erupting every time a tender or sensitive place in my heart was touched. I had to take ownership of my own heart.

I love Psalm 51:6, which has become a key scripture to invite God to help me examine my heart to actually know the truth about what is going on in there. Often it’s obvious to others, but I am oblivious to it. ‘But still, You long to enthrone truth throughout my being;
in unseen places deep within me, You show me wisdom.’(Voice)

Every successful relationship is sculpted with vision.

You can’t have what you can’t see — while many people simply saw a big block of marble, Michelangelo saw a masterpiece of David in there. We have to learn to see beyond the mess to the miracle of what our relationships can truly be and then go to work to create it. God longs to create such beauty in your relationships.

I have a friend in ministry that has struggled for years in her marriage. For the past few years, every time we get together she spends a lot of time telling me how disappointed she is with her husband, how hurt she is and how she is trying so hard, but nothing seems to be working. I love her, I really do — but getting together with her has been a chore as her frustration leaves me completely exasperated.

The last time we got together, she began down the same path of complaining and I stopped her rather abruptly and asked her, “Do you know what you want? What is it that you expect?” After a lengthy pause, she told me ‘No, I don’t know what I want’. Well, hello!!! You can’t have what you can’t see. The Bible teaches us that without vision, people perish — they can’t see where they are going so they cast off healthy restraint and give up.

Helen Keller said, ‘“The most pathetic person in the world is some one who has sight but no vision.”

Every successful relationship stays alive through healthy communication.

Communication is the source of life for every growing relationship … it is the exchange from one heart to another and without it relationships die a very slow and painful death.

No one is born a great communicator — it takes effort, a lot of risk, openness and complete vulnerability to grow and develop. It is something that will take a lifetime of committed effort to truly appreciate and enjoy, but it is so worth it.

In our early days of marriage, I thought I was a great communicator because I talked all the time and I thought John was a terrible communicator because he rarely talked. Of course, it didn’t help that he was a stutterer and his greatest fear in life was speaking before God healed him.

We both did a great deal of work to discover that true communication was heart to heart and not just a matter of how many words we spoke. We learned that in order to build our communication skills, we had to become a safe zone for each other as we began to realize that the best way to be heard was to listen. Slowly and steadily we grew in understanding and learned how to engage in really hard conversations knowing that our commitment and love for each other was more important than any issue that arose between us.

Every successful relationship is built through the actions of serving.

Jesus taught us that if you want to be great, you have to learn to be the servant of all. Serving is simply finding ways to meet the needs of the people you love. Our own humanity is always looking for ways to be served, and it goes against human nature to look for ways to serve, but true greatness is found in meeting the specific needs of those you are growing your life with. How do the people in your life love to be shown love? Hmmm … we should become an expert on the needs and desires of those we love! For those of us who are married, this is especially important in the bedroom. ☺

Every successful relationship grows stronger through trust.

In my opinion the important element of any growing relationship is trust and yet it is without a doubt the most fragile. It takes a lifetime to build and can be destroyed in a moment. You can love someone, yet sadly sometimes it’s not wise to trust them. Trust is a function of wisdom based on someone’s actions and behaviors and when trust isn’t present, we can’t move forward with confidence in the relationship.

Trust is built over time and even if you have done something to break trust, there is always hope if we choose to own our stuff, ask forgiveness and then do the work to win the trust of someone we love back. The onus to win back trust is always on the one who has broken it, but I believe it is also critical that we create the opportunities for them to start build again. Love is a heart that moves… it moves us toward God and ultimately toward each other.

On this note, I like to remind myself and others that all of us are just one decision away from ‘stupid’ and we would be wise to have a healthy fear of the dumb decisions we can make when we are not fully committed to building our character that is built with trust as it’s core foundation. Trust is essential and your future depends on it.

Every successful relationship stays healthy through forgiveness.

Living in the freedom of forgiveness is mandatory for all of us to thrive. I learned such a powerful lesson from Marilyn Skinner while I was with her in Kampala several years ago. She was speaking to a group of rescued teenaged girls who had been abducted by the LRA in Uganda. She asked them a simple question, “What do you do if a snake bites you?” They all knew the answer was to get the poison out right away. She reminded them that if they tried to pursue the snake to kill it, they may die in the process … but getting the poison out would help them survive.

It’s the same in relationships — we will all get hurt in our relationships, so it’s critical to always keep the poison out of our hearts. We do that through forgiveness and it is a gift we give ourselves.

Every successful relationship is bonded through touch.

Touch is miraculous… it has the power to break down walls and infuse healing into your relationship. My first instinct when I have been hurt or offended is to pull away and to withhold touch and physical intimacy. We so often do that as married couples, as parents and as friends — it is easy to withdraw and it takes great strength to purposefully re-engage with someone. I know this isn’t rocket science, but it is supernatural as it invites the Spirit of God to go to work.

Here’s to stunning relationships in your life xo

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ABOUT HELEN BURNS

Helen Burns has been married to her high-school sweetheart John for over 40 years. She passionately loves being a Mom and Oma to her family. She has been a pastor at Relate Church in the Vancouver area for the past 30 years and travels extensively around the world speaking primarily on the subject of relationships, marriage, and family. One of her greatest joys is leading women and seeing the gorgeous generations rise strong together.

She is a television host and has authored several books. She loves to read and cook, and looks forward to seeing many more beautiful places in this big, beautiful world.

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