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February 1, 2017
When My Experience fails to meet my Expectation!

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My husband fake proposed to me 4 times before the real deal! I am not kidding. He got down on one knee at least 4 times and sent my heart racing in full expectation of a marriage proposal only to be devastated and ticked off by his goofy smile and teasing questions like, “Babe, I love you….will you… (pause for dramatic affect) Go to dinner with me?”

Say what?!!!!!! After several punches, tears and dramatic words….I would slowly pull myself together again. By the time he actually proposed officially, he caught me by such surprise, I didn’t even know what to say. I think my response was…. “Is this for real?” Had I been a quick thinker, I would have made him work harder for that yes. However, I was so excited that my dream was finally being fulfilled that I forgot about all of those disappointing moments because this was the moment I had been waiting for!

You see, I had a plan.

We had been dating since high school. We were headed in the same direction, both feeling a call towards ministry. We loved God and loved each other. We knew that we wanted to pursue our purpose together for the rest of our lives. So naturally, I made a plan! (Ha!) I would finish college in 4 years….we would marry after graduation and start this great adventure!

Of course, I informed Carey of my plans. There was a time line to follow. A wedding in May meant I needed a proposal in August and how perfect….we would be in Destin, Florida on the very same beach where he first told me he wanted to spend his life with me. I was creating the perfect scenario for him. The perfect scenario for him to throw my perfect plan out the window for an even better story!

Have you ever found yourself in a place where your experience did not meet your expectations?

I think this might be the theme of my life! I’m an idealist….I dream big dreams and I like to think I make pretty great plans! I’ve learned that God grins at my well made plans and my false attempt to control the outcome of the dreams He gave me in the first place. I picture him getting down on one knee, grinning and saying “Psych!”

Some of you think my husband was very cruel and how could I possibly compare God to that scenario? But the truth is….I only felt like he was cruel. He was, in his own silly way, saying “Come on babe. Trust me. Let me lead us on this great adventure. Quit trying to control the timing and enjoy the journey!”

I think that is a pretty great picture of God’s love for us.

Proverbs 16:9 say’s “The heart of man plans his way,

but the Lord establishes his steps.”

The problem we face is when we make the plans and set our hopes in our plan rather than in our God. This is where we run the danger of our experience not matching our expectations.

When experience does not meet expectations we become:

  1. Devastated– It is a gut punch when all that you are hoping and praying for fails to turn out the way you thought it should.
  • Maybe the position of leadership you were dreaming of turns out to be a position of serving in the area of your greatest weakness and you wonder if you have been over looked.
  • Maybe your prayers of faith for your loved one battling cancer were answered with a funeral, rather than a miracle.
  • Maybe your dreams and prayers for a husband have been met with many lonely nights.
  • Maybe the church God called you to plant is taking longer than you thought to match the vision and accomplish the dreams that you have prayed for and believed in.
  1. Angry– When things don’t go as planned, it is frustrating and we look for someone or something to blame.
  • Maybe you have found yourself carrying a weight of failure, blaming yourself for the lack of accomplishment.
  • Maybe you blame the leadership in your life for not seeing the “greatness” inside of you and pride is trying to raise it’s ugly head!
  • Maybe you blame the people God has entrusted you to lead…. if they would just “get it” we could accomplish so much more.
  • Maybe you find yourself blaming God and wondering why you allowed yourself to dream or pray in the first place.
  1. Disillusioned– This is a scary place to be. This is where doubt set’s in, vision becomes clouded and your perception of people and or situations can become jaded or cynical.
  • Maybe you find yourself doubting the dream and the vision that God gave you for your life. You are tempted to hit the brakes and re-route your journey.
  • Maybe you find yourself constantly critical of the people in your world who are experiencing the things that you have hoped and dreamed for.
  • Maybe comparison and jealousy are clouding your relationships. You can’t be happy for others because you are so consumed with yourself.

I have found myself in many if not all of these situations. I have felt unappreciated and overlooked. I have prayed for miracles and experienced death. I have taken huge steps of faith, fueled by big vision and learned that God is more concerned about the “baby steps” of my journey than He is with my destination! I have been devastated, angry and disillusioned.

So what should you do if you find yourself where I have found myself time after time? The place where experience does not meet expectation.

  1. Practice an attitude of gratitude– When we pause to think about all of the great things God has done in our life, it changes our perspective.
  • Celebrate the little wins along the journey. The time you were able to spend with a loved one. The deeper understanding of the word because you clung to it for dear life. The divine provision because you were in the right place at the right time. The one who said yes to Jesus because you said yes to starting the church or leading the connect group.
  • Recognize that the problem may actually be the provision. The struggle will become your story. God will give purpose to your pain.
  • Remember, God is never late but he is never early. He is always right on time!
  1. Surrender the illusion of control– Faith is all about the journey, not the destination. Our expectation does not meet our experience when our hope is in our plan, or our dreams rather than in OUR GOD!
  • Make the plan, work the plan but release the plan. God will ultimately direct your destiny and his plan is more challenging, takes a little bit longer but is always much more extravagant!
  • Remember, God is all about the journey. What he is doing in you is equally important as what he will do through you! Be patient with the process.
  1. Keep dreaming, keep praying, keep believing — Place your expectation in Who God is not just what he will do. Don’t quit before you see the story unfold. He is working on your behalf even now!

“He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20

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February 1, 2017
Overcoming Insecurity- Jan Greenwood

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To be perfectly honest, I am coming out of one of the toughest ministry seasons of my life. There has been more transition, struggle and pain this year in my personal life and at work than ever before. Managing all these transitions has been more complicated and difficult because of some deep-seated insecurity in my own heart.

I’ve known for years that insecurity cripples many of us, including me — especially me! So many times I’ve cried out to God to know how to respond to something or someone because my insecurity would stand on end, cloud my judgment and impact my ability to know with confidence how to respond in a particular situation.

When insecurity raises its hateful head, it will

o Cloud your judgment
o Bring confusion,
o Hold you back from positive progress,
o Negatively effect your relationships with others,
o And negatively impact your view of God.

I wonder if you can relate to me.

Do you find yourself vacillating back and forth between obedience and insecurity, struggling with some mystery force that somehow keeps you from walking in full confidence and accomplishing the longings of your heart? Insecurity steals your joy, drains your strength and positions you as an orphan.

If you can relate, raise your hand.

So, how can we overcome insecurity? I hope the following ideas might be of help to you.

Admit it
It took awhile (my whole life) to really accept that I was insecure. My natural tendency is to cover it over with hard work, diligence, commitment and perseverance. Basically, I just barrel through. But years of trying had left me weary. Aging has some benefits, one of which is learning to prioritize what and how you live your life. I just wasn’t willing to keep on keeping on.

Tell yourself the truth
I finally had to bring it all the way down to the fact that I believed a lie. My lie (what’s yours?) was that I must take care of myself. If anything good was going to happen, (or if anything bad was going to be prevented) somehow it was up to me. In the smallest places in me, I was still an afraid little girl, trying to control every nuance of a situation in order to produce a result that would receive the approval of a father.

Get vulnerable
The last thing I wanted to do when I felt insecure was to get real. Oh how I hate this step, but it has brought me the greatest freedom, peace and security. It was the turning point of my journey. Finally being able to articulate my disappointment, my fears, and my fatigue to God, helped me begin to spiritually mature enough to handle both the blessing and the warfare that comes with a life in ministry.

Be healed
Healing is a process. It’s easy to understand it when you look at the human body. If you broke your leg, you’d give yourself the time, grace, resources and help to get well. But when you are unwell (insecure) on the inside, it harder to grasp that healing takes time. I am being healed everyday. I still find moments where the insecurity has set up a nesting place in my life. Now I imply acknowledge it, sweep it out, put truth in that place and move forward. It’s getting easier and it’s happening faster. It’s a process.

Grow Mature
Our insecurities are a picture of us struggling to crucify the flesh and to allow our spirit to rule. A spiritually mature person is someone who is led by the principles and power of the Word of God. I want to be spiritually mature. I am not willing to be led anymore by that little girl who felt so much responsibility for everyone and everything else. I have determined that all of my thoughts, circumstances, attitudes and feelings have to yield to the Word of God.

Be secure
Those who are spiritually mature are not insecure. To be secure means to be fixed or fashioned so as not to give way, to become loose or to be lost. As I have become secure in the fact that God is concerned about everything related to me and that He will defend me, care for me, provide for me and love me — I am finally finding my security in Him alone.

If you struggle with deep-seated insecurity, refuse to allow the shame, the frustration or the lack of clarity to hold you back one more moment.
Everyday I feel the benefit of this new place in the spirit. Even in this moment, I am facing a significant circumstance that in the past might have overwhelmed me. Yet today — I feel calm. I feel secure. I am not moved. I am walking in the love of God in a new way and I can promise you that all the hard work — the secret work — is worth it.

ABOUT JAN GREENWOOD

Jan has been a part of the Pink team at Gateway Church since 2007, and currently serves as pastor of women. She is the author of “Women at War” and has a passion for creating powerful female relationships. We are so thankful to have her voice represented here for She Leads.

February 1, 2017
Being Goals – Holly Wagner

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Welcome to 2017!

You have 8,760 hours to reach your goals for 2017. How are ya doing so far??
This is the time of year when many of us set goals. Goals are good things; they can give our life direction. My children have played basketball since they were four. I remember watching those early games when the team was made up of four and five year olds. Many times one of the young players would get the ball and then head toward the wrong basket, sometimes even scoring points for the opposing team. So, it is good to keep the right goal in mind as we make decisions with our time and our heart this year.

There are personal goals we can set like:

What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? Do you want to lose weight? Eat healthier? Read more good books? Take a class?

What little things or big things would you like to achieve? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in your relationships?

What problems in your workplace or community would you like to see solved?

As leaders we have goals for our department and church, and they are needed. Measurable goals. How many people do you want to see in small groups? How many people do you want to see baptized? How many people do you want attending your conference? And what are the steps you are taking to get there. Wanting the results will not guarantee them. Goals are only reached one measurable step at a time. Each goal needs a practical series of stages to see it achieved. But you know this, and I am sure you have started. I have.

Goals are good; they keep us on track with the desires in our heart. But I started thinking…perhaps we should include not only goals about what we want to do, but also goals about who we can be. Here are my “being” goals:

Be more forgiving in my marriage….today.
Be more patient with my children….today.
Be kinder to the people I work with….today.
Be more willing to let go of past hurts….today
Be willing to let someone else get the last word….today.
Be ready to meet a new friend…today.
Be a better listener…today.
Give a little more financially this year than I did last year…starting today.

And if I string all of these todays together, by the end of the year I will have lived a year marked with forgiveness, patience, kindness, honor and generosity.

So yeah…I am going to eat better and work out more. I will read some great books and finish writing another one, but I am hoping to focus just as much on the “being.”

Xoxo…holly

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