1. Be kind.
    Most of the time, we are kinder and more polite to strangers and acquaintances than we are to our spouses. It should not be that way, but often it is. Little acts of kindness can go a long way towards creating intimacy.
  1. Demonstrate respect.
    You are not his mother, so don’t talk down to him or nag him. Interrupting him communicates disrespect (at at least, that is what Philip tells me!). So, let him finish his sentences . . . no matter how good you think your ending will would be!
  1. Get some sexy lingerie.
    Enough said, really.
  1. Occasionally be the sexual aggressor.
    He likes/needs to feel that you want him. Don’t just be the passive one. Mix it up!
  1. Go with him to a game/sporting event.
    He really does want your company. It is not about whether or not you like sports —just doing something with him shows your love. (But you are a smart woman, so surely you can learn a thing or two about the sport while you’re at it!)
  1. Kiss him.
    I’m not talking about the quick “don’t mess up my lipstick” kiss, but the “stop and grab his face” kiss. Even if you don’t have time for it to lead anywhere 🙂  . . . kissing is such a great connector!
  2. Listen without interrupting.
    Yes, I know this one is hard . . .
  3. Encourage him.
    Say something encouraging to him. He probably hears negativity all day long from others. What can you say that would be encouraging? What has he done well? Be his biggest cheerleader!!
  4. Say nice things about him in front of others.
    This is huge . . . and communicates love in a whole other way.
  5. Show support for his dreams.
    Come alongside him and support him. Life has a way of deflating our dreams. Let him know that you are with him and believe in him.


Holly and her husband, Philip, are the Pastors of Oasis Church – a growing, relevant, multi-cultural, church located in Los Angeles. They have been married for over 30 years, love life and enjoy spending time with their two adult children, Jordan and Paris. Holly is passionate about seeing women become who God has designed them to become, and to see every generation of woman extend a helping hand to the generation that is younger. Through the women’s ministry of Oasis, She Rises (GodChicks), she has empowered thousands of women around the world. Holly has written several books including Find Your Brave, WarriorChicks, Love Works, and Awakened.